10 Top Tips For Female Swingers 

10 Top Tips For Female Swingers, recently I asked my female followers to get in touch with me with their questions, concerns and queries surrounding the swinging lifestyle. 

I wanted to ensure that the information shared with you in this piece was what you wanted to hear. I didn’t want to write another article banging on about the rules of swinging, or what to wear for swinging if these subjects were not the ones that mattered to you most! Plus, I already have articles on what to wear and how to start swinging, so I figured I would offer something new, something fresh, something enticing, the answers you wanted fulfilling!  

My 10 Top Tips For Female Swingers features advice for both single women and women in relationships. The questions I received were from married straight women, single bisexual’s and single straight women, all with varying degrees of experience within the swinger lifestyle. So as ever, sit back, have a mince pie, (it’s nearly Christmas) and let me teach you all I know! 

Learn How To Be A Great Communicator

There’s a lot more to successful swinging than being great in bed! Successful swingers know how to build up a connection, create sexual chemistry and engage with both men and women alike, regardless of their sexuality. Successful swingers don’t hone in on the one person they want to have sex with; instead, they take time to chat to both partners, or work the room, and listen to what everyone would like to experience. To be a great swinger is to be a great listener and conversationalist.

Here’s a great trick that I want to share with you; when you see a swinger couple who you like the look of, before you even go and talk to them, you need to shift the focus away from the end result! What do I mean by this?

By shifting the direction, you take the pressure off yourself and can relax and engage with a couple naturally. 

Stop thinking and overthinking about the outcome, and just enjoy chatting. If you present yourself as an outgoing, chatty, confident person, who doesn’t even mention the word sex, then you will get much further! Why? Because you demonstrate to them you are secure; you are outgoing, you are approachable. If they like you, which I’m sure they will, their minds will already go somewhere more intimate. 

Think this won’t work? I have used this technique myself when approaching men, women and couples! 

Use Outfits To Express Your Sexuality

Swinging can be a great opportunity to dress up and feel sexy, like really sexy! It’s amazing how liberating it can be to express parts of your character that usually stay hidden. Yes, you can buy dress-up outfits and lingerie, but what I’m talking about is going the whole way! Think, wigs, heels, PVC, fetish bdsm wear, whatever tickles your fancy. Get into character and take her out for the evening! 

Don’t Be Passive

Do you know what’s attractive in a person? Someone who knows what they want. All too often, I have met couples where the woman is more than happy to go along with whatever the husband or boyfriend has suggested. And this may work for some swingers. I’m sure there are plenty of happy couples out there who swing in this way. But I like to discuss, explore and consider any potential play first, rather than being passive. 

Accept Jealous And Envious Emotions And Move Forward

Oooh! Easier said than done, I know! But fingers crossed after reading my advice, you will have a better understanding of how to overcome jealousy. Jealousy stems from self-comparison and insecurity. Once we stop comparing ourselves to others and start putting an end to our insecurities, we can begin to move forward and grow. The best way to do this is to accept jealous feelings and acknowledge them. 

The more we try to ignore an envious thought, the more it grows. We replay whatever seed it stems from in our heads until it overwhelms us. Don’t let this happen! Communicate your feelings with your partner and discuss how you are feeling. To learn more about jealousy and swinging, have a look at my in-depth post! 

Reconnect With Your Mind And Body

Reconnecting after swinging is essential. It doesn’t matter in what capacity you have ‘swung’, whether you have met a couple for a vanilla date, chatted online to a single guy or been nipple deep in an orgy, you need to take time to reconnect after swinging.

What did you enjoy? What didn’t you enjoy? How did it make you feel? Reassessing your swinging situations and experiences may sound rather clinical, but it doesn’t have to be. Take time out, run a bath and allow yourself to reflect. If you are in a relationship, then discussing what you enjoyed, and sharing with your partner how your body responded is a great way to reconnect after swinging. 

Enjoy Swinging For What It Is

Swinging is great fun; you don’t need me to tell you that! After all, you’re already reading my top tips so you must be quite keen! One of my golden rules is this; Swinging sex is great fun, but it should never replace real intimacy. 

Swinging sex should never substitute the sex you have with your partner. It should complement an already existing great sex life that you share. And if you are single, swinging should add to your already busy social life, not dominate it. If you are single and wish to swing with a couple, then accept that they have their own lives to lead, you shouldn’t expect too much from them. If it’s the emotional connection your seeking, then swinging with a couple won’t provide this as they are already emotionally invested in one another. 

Be Honest About What You Want

Dear thiskindagirl, I’m single but would like to find someone to be in a relationship with who is a bisexual male. I’ve found one person but I’m unsure how to discuss this with them. Do you think it’s possible to set out a swinging lifestyle from the offset of a relationship? Or does it need to be a more established one? Thanks, A X

This is a question I received recently, and I had to share it with you, as I feel that A, who kindly sent me the question will not be the only one seeking an answer to this problem. 

So, how do you go about bringing up what you are looking for with a new partner? Going on dates and making small talk is hard enough, never mind adding swinging into the mix! Over the years, I’ve tried different approaches when talking to potential partners about my involvement in the lifestyle. On some dates, I’ve been upfront and honest about what I like from the off. Whereas on other dates, I have not even mentioned the swinger word until a few dates in.

Here’s what I suggest. As well as online dating apps and sites, there are also several swinger dating sites that you can use to connect with other like-minded single swingers. If swinging is important to you, and leading a sexually fulfilled life through swinging is what you want, then go for it! Be upfront!

‘This is me; this is my approach to relationships, are you in or not?‘ 

Of course, if you meet in a swinger setting or on a swinger site, then part of the hard work is already done for you! 

Once you have established that swinging is something you would like to enjoy together in the future, you can set about creating a rock-solid swinger relationship. Get to know one another, then start the swinging, but always stick to your guns! Don’t sell yourself short and compromise your happiness. 

Reassure, Communicate And Connect With Your Partner 

Communicating with your partner is an absolute must. Reassuring them and supporting one another makes for a successful swinger relationship. I received this question from one of my followers, and I think it highlights the importance of continuously supporting one another. O, who sent me the question told me she had been with her husband for 30 years and had been swinging with him for the last four years. 

Dear Thiskindagirl, Recently my husband has expressed that when I’m with other men, he feels I am always loud and excited with them and feels I’m not loud or excited with him. I don’t want him feeling insecure, but I want him to know I don’t always have to be loud for him to know I’m having pleasure with him. Does that make sense? Why does he feel this way, and how can I reassure him. Thanks, O.

Hi, thanks for getting in touch. Firstly, it’s great that you and your husband have decided to start swinging. You have been together for a long time, and it sounds like you have a solid relationship. To start from such a secure place is very positive indeed. I understand that you have been having sex with other men and you are sometimes quite vocal with them. Let me reassure you both that this is entirely normal. When we have sex with other people, our bodies are responding in altogether different ways to how they respond to having sex with our usual partner.

Each reaction, each sensation is different, and yes this might make us moan louder, or groan more, or in some cases, make us groan less! The fact that you respond in this way doesn’t change how you feel towards your husband or how you feel about sex with him. It’s simply how you are reacting at that moment. Perhaps you could explore why you respond in this way? Is it the physical feeling of being with other people? Or the excitement? I do think if you speak with your husband and explain that there is no one who you would rather be on this swinger journey with, he will be very much reassured. Yes, you may react in this way, but it’s a purely physical response, nothing more.

Make Swinger Friends

Part of the fun of swinging is developing new swinger friendships. Swingers are known for being a very friendly bunch and sometimes chatting with other swingers is a highlight of visiting the swinger clubs (as well as the sex, obviously).

I often find that I can’t talk to my vanilla girlfriends about swinging and sometimes, when I go on a vanilla swingers date with a couple, the other woman and I will be able to relate to one another on a whole new level. Don’t be afraid to seek out swinger friends, they can offer you the best advice, especially when you are starting out. Having a unicorn friend you have a social drink with is a great idea as you can chat about swinging in a private, safe environment.

Confidence Is Key

I wrote recently that the most attractive men in a swingers club are not the ones with the six-pack abs and the bulging muscles, but the ones who display both confidence and charm. 

The same applies to women. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a perfect body, fantastic hair and a great tan. What matters is that you are confident and comfortable in your own skin. Yes, we all have parts of our body that we don’t like, but what we can’t do is obsess over it, and tell ourselves we are not good enough because we don’t have double D’s or a tiny waist.  

Embrace the body you have and be more than just your looks. The more you bring to the table, the more you have to bargain with. When S and I are on a vanilla date, we like to get to know the person inside, what do they enjoy, what can they offer, and what can we offer them? Confidence is unbelievably sexy. Check out my article on body image and how to overcome shyness for my top tips on how to be a bold and beautiful swinger! 

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