Beginners Guide To Using A Strap On 

Beginners Guide To Using A Strap On brought to you by thiskindagirl! This article has been one that has generated a lot of interest. One of my fans approached me for some advice on the topic of using a strap on for the first time. From there, the conversation grew. I then made a post about anal sex being enjoyed by both genders, regardless of your sexuality. More discussion followed, and now, here I am, writing my article! 

In this post, you will be discovering:

  • Who enjoys anal sex?
  • What types of strap ons are available? 
  • What sexual positions are best for strap on sex? 
  • How to prepare for anal sex?
  • Roleplay and gender reversal
  • The importance of reconnecting 
  • How to talk about starting strap on play
  • Does it mean I’m Bisexual or Gay?

Wow! That’s a lot! But I feel there is so much to discuss. Using a strap on isn’t simply for pegging; neither is it something only lesbians enjoy. I declare that strap on sex should and can be enjoyed by all! 

But what are my credentials? What qualifies me to talk so candidly about the wonder of the rubber willy? Using a strap on during sex is something that I have been enjoying for several years now. I’ve enjoyed them with men, women, in swinger situations, during BDSM sessions and when I have played with Dominatrixes. So, I suppose I am a bit savvy when it comes to strapons. It’s time to listen up as I share with you The Ultimate Beginners Guide To Using A Strap On! 

Who Enjoys Strap On Sex?

As I mentioned, there is a preconception that strap on sex is either pegging (where a man receives anal from a woman) or is enjoyed between two females. Sure, a strap on can be used in these scenarios, but it certainly is not exclusive to these relationships! Anyone of any gender can use a strap on. People can use them for oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex or used whilst you masturbate. You can use them as a penis extension (hollow strap ons), use them in a BDSM setting, use them for intimate anal sex, and use them as a ‘prop’ if enjoying gender reversal role play. 

They are not exclusively used in the private surrounds of a bedroom either. I have taken my strap on to swinger clubs and parties that I have attended; yes, it was a little nerve-wracking at first, but hugely liberating once I started using it! Plus, it generated a lot of interest from other couples! The great thing about using a strap on is that they can open up a whole new level of emotional intimacy, regardless of how you like to play with or with who! 

What Types Of Strap On Are Available? 

As I’m sure you can imagine, there is a massive range of strap ons available! From realistic penis designs with balls and a real feel finish to strapless ones that pulse, vibrate, and simultaneously massage the clitoris. To small, beginners friendly strap ons, crafted from a soft material, designed for gentle, intimate play. There are also strap ons that don’t look like penises. They come in a range of textures, colours, sizes and shapes! Some are flared at the base to fit inside an O ring harness, some come ready attached to a harness, and some are strapless and stay in by being worn internally. There are also hollow strap ons that can be used with the penis going inside the strap on. 

What Sexual Positions Are Best For Strap On Sex? 

Again, there is a misconception that in order to have strap on sex successfully, one partner must be in a doggy position whilst the other thrusts into them from behind.

Let me stop you there! Yes, you can have sex in this position, but thrusting isn’t something that I recommend, especially for those new to strap on sex. So, why is this? Well, first of all, if you thrust into somebody, who perhaps isn’t used to being penetrated by a strap on, there’s a good chance you might cause them quite a lot of discomfort!

One partner can lay down whilst the other lowers themselves onto the strap on; this can either be in a ‘reverse cowgirl position or facing the other person. Let the person being penetrated control how much they have inside them. 

If you want to enjoy oral sex with a strap on, then experimenting in a 69 position can be really intimate! 

If you do decide to have strapon sex in a doggy position, gently and slowly is key! Instead of thrusting, take your time and slowly ease the strap on in. 

I have found that some positions are more beneficial than others if you want to create greater intimacy between yourself and your partner. In one such position, heightened intimacy is made possible by using a strapless strap on. One partner lays face down whilst the other penetrates them from behind. The fact that a strapless strap on is used means you dont have to hold anything in place. You can grind into them slowly, and if it vibrates too, that makes it intense for both partners! 

How To Prepare For Anal Sex?

If you do decide to engage in anal sex whilst using a strap on, you can do a few things to prepare yourself and your strap on so that you get the most out of it! 

I can guarantee that everyone at some point will of had concerns about bodily fluids and poop. It’s imperative to remember that poop isn’t stored in the anal canal itself; it is stored higher up, in the rectum. It takes around 36 hours for food to be digested (depending on your diet). If you have used the bathroom before engaging in anal sex, then chances are there won’t be anything in there anyway! If you are concerned, however, you can use a water enema. I understand that hygiene is paramount, and some people always use an anal douche before engaging in anal sex. You could also use condoms for added hygiene. 

Using a water-based lube is an absolute must! Don’t be shy when applying it to both the strap on and your self. I always recommend water-based lubes when using toys as some can react with the materials some sex toys are made from. I also like to use unscented and unflavoured lubes as I prefer them if I’m also engaging in oral or rimming before anal sex. Before you use a strapon on your partner, you should take the time to relax and enjoy plenty of foreplay.

Use your fingers, mouth, anal beads, or butt plugs to stimulate and excite them. Some people like to remove the hair that grows around their bum, and some people don’t. This is entirely up to you. If you do, you can have it waxed, sugared, or use intimate hair removal cream. If you want to have anal but are unsure whether you would enjoy being penetrated fully, then using a butt plug first can gently prepare you. 

As well as taking care of the practical side of preparing for anal play, you must connect emotionally and discuss your limits well in advance, especially if it’s something you haven’t previously experienced. Having trust in your partner is a big part of anal sex; you must communicate before you start and talk about how you are feeling, emotionally and physically. 

Role Play And Gender Reversal

Another topic that I get asked about rather frequently. What’s it like to ‘peg’ my male partner, and do we always swap roles? I will freely admit that I find pegging him hugely liberating and empowering, especially when we incorporate BDSM play with strap on sex. We don’t always get down this way, and it’s certainly not a prerequisite for all strap on sex.

Sometimes using a strap on is very intimate indeed and generates feelings of closeness; I dont always ‘Dom’ him when we use a strap on.

When I have used them with other female partners and subsequently had them used on me, sometimes one of us has taken on the role of ‘top’, but again, I have also enjoyed sex where there is no ‘top’ or ‘bottom’, and we have simply enjoyed it, together. 

I believe part of the appeal of strap on sex is that if you identify as the more ‘dominant partner, you can give you that power away in exchange for pleasure. From speaking with men interested in strap on sex, I have found that many of them are curious to experience what anal sex feels like and want to enjoy that role reversal.  

The Importance Of Reconnecting

I believe reconnecting after sex is vital to having a healthy, honest relationship. For me, sharing how you feel physically and emotionally is deeply intimate and paves the way for increased communication and closeness within the relationship. I write extensively about the importance of reconnecting after swinger sex, and I believe reconnecting after strapon sex is no different.

Taking time to share and explore your emotions and how you are feeling physically is a crucial step towards having sex you both enjoy. When I first started to enjoy strap on sex, I didn’t appreciate how liberating it would be. To experience switching roles and become more dominant and assertive with the aid of a strapon was something I could never have imagined. When I shared these feelings with my partner, it opened up a whole new intimacy and communication level. 

It may not always be easy to open up, and sometimes we are not sure how we will feel; our emotions can take us by surprise, but taking the time to reconnect is something I strongly recommend. 

It is also important to share with your partner what you didn’t enjoy or perhaps don’t want to experience again. You may wish to experiment with a different type of strapon or try different positions.

Types Of Strapon Harness 

There is a lot of information about various types of strapon harness available, which is excellent! But, if you are unfamiliar with them, then here is my quick guide as to what you can expect to find. 

  • O ring harness– can be used with different strap on toys held in place by the metal O. Some come complete with a dildo, and others you have to purchase the dildo separately. Harnesses come in a wide variety of materials and range in price and quality. Some are soft, synthetic and washable, made from polyester or nylon. Some are PVC or made from soft plastic, and some are made of leather. Whatever harness you choose, it is important that it is fully adjustable and stays firmly in place. I would recommend spending a little bit more on a good quality harness, as you want it to fit close to the wearer’s body for maximum comfort. I have used slightly cheaper O ring harnesses in the past, and they can move around if they are not well made. 
  • Jockstrap strapons. Some jockstrap strapons come complete with a dildo or penis attached and can be great if you know what you like. I find them quite comfortable to use, and they do stay in place quite easily. With the dildo being built-in, you don’t have to worry about holding it in place once inside your partner. I have found that sometimes the dildo has come loose from an O ring harness, but this design eliminates that. 
  • Strapon briefs. Strapon briefs are precisely that, underwear that also doubles up as a strap on harness. Strapon briefs feature an O ring at the front, allowing you to attach whatever dildo or vibrator you choose (do be aware that the manufacturer may recommend which dildos are a suitable fit, so do follow their recommendations). Available in a range of styles, strapon briefs are great if you attend a party and want to get down to enjoy your session without getting fully undressed and getting into the harness. Excellent to use in a swingers club scenario! Plus, the underwear can be worn discreetly and comfortably under your normal clothes. 
  • Strapless strapon. Ok, so it’s not got a harness, but I couldn’t write an article titled The Ultimate Beginners Guide To Using A Strap On without sharing with you my favourite type of strapon. The beauty of the strapless design is that because it fits so snugly inside the wearer, it creates more intimacy and, in my experience, deeper satisfaction for both. There are many strapless designs on the market. Some are more rigid, dildo types, some are made from soft, flexible materials, and some vibrate and pulsate for both wearers. My favourite one features bunny ears that stimulate the clitoris and has been cleverly designed with internal comfort and body shape in mind. It doesn’t just sit inside each person; it snugly caresses them for heightened sensation. Strapless strapons can take some getting used to at first but are great for grinding into your partner, slowly and sensually. If you choose to get one that vibrates, there are several rechargeable ones available on the market. 

How To Talk About Starting Strapon Play. 

As with most things sex related, having the conversation is quite often the most challenging part; talking about what you would like to experience, and opening up about your fantasies is, for most people, far easier said than done. Whether you are the giver or the receiver of the strap on or want to experience both roles, here are my top tips on having the conversation.

  • You could start by sharing an article or video about using strapons you had seen with your partner or suggesting that you watch or read it together. 
  • You could start a conversation by saying,’ I wondered how sex could feel for women, and I would like to explore this more by experiencing anal sex. 
  • Explain to your partner (regardless of the role you wish to take) that you would like to explore the possibility of strap on sex. But understand that you both need to be in agreement for you to both benefit from it and enjoy it. Explain that there is no one else you would rather experience this with due to the trust and emotional connection that great strap on sex is founded on. 
  • You could start by browsing online together or by visiting a sex shop. I strongly recommend visiting a few sex shops to get a feel for what strapons are available, and no doubt you will soon discover styles you prefer. You can, of course, also look online at any of the suggestions listed here. It is important that whoever is going to receive the strapon chooses the toy themselves, especially if it is a dildo that can be attached. If you select a strapless strapon, you must agree on the toy’s feel, and it’s features, as it will be inside you both; for this to happen, you need to talk openly. 

Do You Have To Be Bisexual Or Gay?

I am also asked, ‘does a man have to be Bisexual or gay to enjoy strap on play?’ Let me offer you some clarity. 

No. 

Sexuality is far more complicated than this. If a lesbian uses a strapon on her lesbian partner, does this make her partner straight? Simply because she had penetrative sex? 

No. 

If a man receives penetrative sex via a strap on, or if he performs oral sex on a strapon, it doesn’t make him gay, bi, or anything. It simply means he’s open-minded and willing to explore new ways to have sex and enjoy intimacy.  

If a man has his penis locked in cock cage whilst his woman rides a strap on that is placed over his caged cock, (replicating his penis), does this make him less of a man? 

No! 

Again, what it does mean is that he’s probably in the type of relationship where he’s able to have an open and honest conversation. 

Who wouldn’t want to be in the type of relationship where you can discuss your fantasies and desires? 

If a woman decides she wants to wear a strap on during sex, regardless of whether it is then used for penetrating someone, does this make her more macho? Less feminine? 

No, it means she is willing to explore new possibilities and feels comfortable enough within her sexuality and identity to enjoy this type of scenario. 

If a guy uses a hollow strapon to penetrate his partner, does this mean he’s less of a man for doing so? I think you already know what my answer will be? 

I think it’s time we stopped letting sex toys define our roles in the bedroom; for me, strapon sex can be and should be enjoyed by all! 

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3 thoughts on “Beginners Guide To Using A Strap On

  1. Very interesting article and thanks for sharing. When I was a lot younger I used to fantasise about a woman using a strapon with me quite a lot. A while back a woman I was dating used one on a sissy who had a crush on her. Being something of a voyeur I found the site fascinating and still do when I see guys being pegged at swinging events.

    I myself have been pegged a couple of times but on each occasion I found the sensation a bit weird and took some getting used to. Third time lucky perhaps lol

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