Bisexuality In Women

Bisexuality In Women. Hello lovely readers, today you are in for a real treat because I have something very special indeed. Following on from my recent topic on male bisexuality and swinging, I wanted to feature a post on female Bisexuality. However, I felt it only right that I got a proper insight into this topic, so I called upon a fellow kinkster, sex blogger and all-round minx Alice Hunter from to offer her expertise when it comes to all things female bisexuality. If you are wondering of her credentials, Alice is so passionate about Bisexuality and the female swinging scene, she’s written a book about it! Unicorns and How to Hunt Them: Your guide to scoring threesomes like a boss. So, let’s discover a little more about female Bisexuality, take it away Alice…

The Truth About Bisexual Women

The nature of sexual identities (not to mention gender identity) is one that has had a rough history- from the Western puritanical notions of heterosexuality being the only norm, to the acceptance of gay sex as natural, and the ongoing struggle for bisexual people to be recognised and fight inequalities we still suffer (higher rates of violence, prejudice, mental health issues, etc). 

The hyper-sexualisation of the portrayal of bisexual women in pornography has led to the mainstream expectation within the swing scene that the ‘best’ or even ‘normal’ type of women to have in attendance are bisexual ones.  They will play with anyone, right?  Smaller and less trouble than men.  Look pretty, smell nice. Will do men, women, couples. They are probably kind of nymphos, with a taste for every look and type of human variety sexually- after all, isn’t that what pornography shows us?

Who Enjoys Swinging?

Without getting too salty and bitter about this portrayal (as 8 years on the swing scene as a bisexual woman can certainly make one) or the better-recognised definitions like the Kinsey scale, let’s set aside the darker issues and playfully take a look at the different ‘kinds’ of bisexual woman you’ll meet while swinging.  What do the terms you’ll see on women’s profiles actually mean? Which one are you?  Let’s do the thing bisexuals hate most and put everyone into boxes.

The bisexual swinger woman quiz:  Which are you?

You are going to a swinger party with your boyfriend.  In what way do you hope to play with a woman while there?

  1. I’d rather play with a man in full swap or a group, but if there’s a woman who gets involved I’ll go along with it and might be fun in the moment
  2. I’d like to pick up a girl with my partner and we will play with her together- we will kiss and might go down on each other- it turns me on when my male partner is really aroused and I love making him happy to see me as this powerful, sexual woman
  3. I’m probably going to feel most comfortable kissing a woman and playing with her breasts- I’m not sure if I’ll do oral with her- I might see how I feel at the time.  I’m not sure exactly which women I’m attracted to or why.
  4. If I hit it off with a woman I’ll play with her, whether or not my partner or another man is involved.  I might even join another couple if my partner is cool with it.

You are approached on a hook-up site by an attractive single woman who says she only wants to do FF (women only) play with you, no men involved.  Would you like this?

  1. I might do – if I find her really attractive and I’m in the right mood.  It’s always good to make friends on the scene.  Maybe we can do some photos together or something for my profile?
  2. Unless my partner or a man is there or he’s enjoying it somehow (like by video or as a cuckold dynamic) I’m not sure it’s going to really work for me. I just don’t see the point
  3. This sounds interesting- I’m slightly worried if I’m going to be good at this or how I’ll feel in the situation but I’m really keen to try
  4. Of course- why on earth not? As long as we click.

You are involved in a threesome with your male partner and you are playing sexually with the woman while your partner watches for a few minutes.  As you do your finest work you feel like she’s faking – she’s calling out like she’s going to orgasm but seems dry and tight. What’s going through your mind?

  1. She’s probably not feeling it right now and that’s fair enough.  I’ll carry on gently as long as she’s trying to show enjoyment and maybe things will pick up. Or maybe this is normal for her.
  2. Of course, she’s faking.  I’m going to be doing the exact same thing in a moment when it’s her turn to go down on me.  I’m a bit of an exhibitionist and you’ve got to make it seem hot.
  3. I’m not sure quite why she’s doing this and maybe my technique isn’t quite right for her.  I’ll ask her what she’d like me to do quietly
  4. I don’t like it when women pretend – I’m probably going to stop play because this makes me uncomfortable that she isn’t enjoying her sexual time with me

You are single and have decided to play with a couple.  When things get underway, you are told he just wants to watch both the women play together. How do you feel?

  1. Well I’ll give it a go but I feel like it’s probably going to be disappointing.  Maybe he will change his mind later.
  2. That’s fine I will put on a good show and seeing him aroused by us playing together is what is going to be hottest for me.
  3. I feel a bit under pressure- I hope she’s happy to take the lead as having someone watch me is probably going to make me nervous
  4. Well that’s fine by me – I’ll enjoy the woman all to myself!

Mostly 1: The heteroflexible woman

Primarily aroused by and used to sex with men, you are no prude and are happy to give women a try if that’s the way things are going!  You don’t really identify as a bisexual, but you’ll act in that way sometimes.  Mainly, you see yourself as a heterosexual woman who has a few naughty tricks up her sleeve.  You don’t want to date women and won’t usually seek them out sexually either, unless its as part of a greater whole, like group sex, trying something new or living in the moment.

Mostly 2: The performative bisexual woman

You are romantically and sexually heterosexual, but are no fool and have learned that adding bisexual behaviour to your seductive repertoire is something men find super-hot. It’s easy enough to keep them happy and sexually excited by you, indulge their taste for variety and keep informed and a sense of control over their sexual frolics by ensuring you are a part of their sexual adventures.  Even if you aren’t with a male partner, playing sexually with a woman while the other men stand around and look at you can feel very empowering.

Mostly 3: The bicurious woman

Possibly raised in a more conservative time or place and fresh out of a very long, conventional relationship, the bicurious woman feels an attraction to women and an interest in them sexually but isn’t completely certain whether this might be a ‘passing phase’, whether the reality of performing oral on a woman might put her off and whether she actually identifies herself as bisexual or if that feels comfortable as a label. Brave enough to give it a go if it’s something she’s decided for herself, and accommodating enough to give it a go if it’s something a male partner has encouraged, the bicurious woman may feel most comfortable and enjoy kissing and second base to begin with, and benefits from encouragement and guidance.  Seeing whether a woman is aroused is more subtle than a man and it feels like a lot to learn.

Mostly 4: The fully bisexual woman

Your fully bisexual woman will be happy with this as her sexual identity.  Whether she is dating men, women, both or neither, bisexuality is a part of who she is and how she identifies.  Happy to play individually with men or women, she may or may not date couples- that’s right! Not every bisexual woman wants to be a unicorn.  In fact, most fully bisexual women don’t, especially if they’ve tried it.  Most likely to find performatively bisexual women disturbing, they like to genuinely enjoy and be enjoyed by their sexual partners.

Clearly, these four little boxes are not so cut-and-dried as our cosmo-style quiz makes out.  There are issues with the male gaze, internalised misogyny and the good-ole’ double standard about women and sexuality that come into play for every woman, whether bisexual or not. Trying to pick through our lived experience to decide what is inherent to us and what is adaptive, given the world we exist in, is no small feat. It’s an adventure in personal growth and understanding we didn’t ask for, yet must address every day.  Are we drawn to women because they are beautiful?  Because men find them beautiful?  Or because men find us beautiful for doing so? 

That, my lovely libertines, is something we have to work out for ourselves.  As for me?  I think I just like boobs.

Alice Hunter of

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Twitter @unicornhuntingb

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Amazon book: Unicorns and How to Hunt Them: Your guide to scoring threesomes like a boss

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5 thoughts on “Bisexuality In Women

  1. I’m keen to start swinging after lockdown but I’m straight & I do wonder if there’s any place for straight women in swinging. I’m told that no one is pushy or minds being told no. What’s the best way to say no to a couple? Is it better to be truthful and say you’re not interested in couples or fib and say you’re not playing right now?

    1. Hello L,
      First of all, thanks for getting in touch. Who is it you would like to swing with? Of course, straight women can enjoy swinging! You just have to know where to look! It’s always best to be honest with people. I appreciate honest swingers! There are certain clubs/ events that cater for single girls.

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