We all have our own ideas as to what makes sex great! Sex is as unique as the person having it. What makes YOU tick is exclusive and reserved only for you. Yes, we may enjoy something similar to others or have shared fantasies and desires, however, the emotions, the sensations and the particular way that your body responds to sex is deeply personal. We may have wants and desires that we share, but only we know our true comfort levels.
Different Types Of Swingers
There is no right or wrong way to swing. Over the years, I have met so many different couples who are all on their own path; all harbouring individual desires and fantasies. In this post, I hope to shed some light on the different types of swingers, and why one mans orgy is another man’s obstacle! So, if are you sitting comfortably, let me begin…
Vanilla gets a bad rap. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla. It’s not my thing, but there are many couples out there who enjoy straight forward A to B sex with other couples, sometimes in different rooms. The only thing is that perhaps they aren’t into BDSM or extreme kinks. You shouldn’t discredit swingers for being vanilla, but accept they simply don’t get down with whips and chains!
Soft Swap Swingers
People who engage in soft swap play enjoy pretty much everything with others, but reserve penetrative sex for when they are with their partners. Foreplay for soft swap swingers can include oral, masturbation, kissing, flirting, cyber/webcam sex and playing with sex toys. There’s nothing wrong with a soft swap, and sometimes you may only want to engage in soft swap play with a particular couple or person that you meet. With soft swap swinger couples engaging in penetrative sex is strictly only between themselves.
Full Swap Swingers
As you can probably imagine, the full swap is well, the whole shebang! Oral, vaginal, and sometimes anal sex are common when engaging in full swap sex. Remember, you can be a vanilla couple, who are full swap…or a soft swap single who is non-vanilla… full swap generally means that penetrative sex gets a thumbs up, how you go about having that sex is up to you! Full swap sex can be very intense, especially if it is part of your first swinging experience.
Some swingers are very happy to play with other swingers in different rooms, beds or even houses. These couples engage in whats known as separate play. There have been times I have met with BDSM couples where the guy has restrained me in one room, and his wife in another! Which although was not separate play in the conventional sense, it was separate room play. Would I do it as part of swinger couple? Probably not? Would I be happy for my man to meet with a single guy to have sex without me? Absolutely! Weird right!? As I mentioned earlier, there’s no right or wrong way to swing!
Same Room Sex
Same room sex, as the name suggests entails having sex while all in the same room. This can be a threesome, a foursome, an orgy, or non-penetrative hot wax play! Whatever it is, it’s all done together! In most club situations, same room sex is the most commonly practised type of swinging.
When I attended my first swingers party, I didn’t recognise just how popular these two kinks were! I soon realised that the couples who weren’t playing with other couples were actually having a great time by themselves, as watching, or being watched was their kink! At first, I didn’t get it, but then I realised; this form of fetish was what they were there for. If you’re at a swingers party, then chances are you will have to accept that other people will watch you have sex. If this is something your not comfortable with then move it to a private playroom. Whereas, on the other hand, there are couples that love being watched and attend solely for this!
It’s not just couples who enjoy swinging! Single people, especially single women, are very sought after in the lifestyle. Known as unicorns, (rare) single women are ofter approached by couples where the woman identifies as bisexual. You can attend swingers parties as a single woman, or meet couples in private. You will have your own ideas as to what you are comfortable with and whether you are wanting soft or full swap sex.
Single men also can enjoy swinging, but it is harder for them to visit clubs and swinger events. Solo men are often sought out by cuckold couples, which is a form of BDSM. For single vanilla guys there aren’t too many options, so swinging as a single man may require you to be more specialised in your play!
It’s a common presumption that women who swing are Bi, and their male partners are straight. I can now confirm that this isn’t always the case, and over the years, I have seen an increase in the number of Bisexual couples enjoying the lifestyle. Hopefully, with a changing shift in attitudes, (this is already evident in London) more men who harbour bisexual desires and identify as bisexual, will feel more confident to be open about their sexuality with other swingers.
Recently I met a couple where they both identify as Bi, and in fact, my current partner, S, is Bisexual. It’s really refreshing that we can discuss openly the possibilities of having more and more great sex together, with men and women!
Being bisexual isn’t a requirement, and you should never presume someone is. This applies to men and women, there have been occasions that men have wanted to have a bi experience with straight boyfriends I’ve had, only they have waited until we are already having sex and then made a move towards his cock… this is not how it’s done! Ask, always ask!
Polyamory isn’t a new thing, but we treat it like it is. Over recent years I’ve seen several swingers describe themselves as ‘Poly’ in their swinger dating profiles. People who aren’t necessarily swingers are also using the term to describe their relationship. I met with some polyamorous swingers recently, and to be honest, after listening to their desires, and long term relationship goals, I decided that it’s not for me.
Love and physical sex are two things that I like to keep separate. I am only emotionally attached to one person- the one Im in an emotionally exclusive relationship with at the time. For me, anything else is simply a welcome addition to an already excellent sex life. I know some may disagree with me, but I would find it hard for my man to ‘date’ another woman. All those intimacies that are separate from swinging, they are reserved only for one another, in my opinion!
BDSM isn’t always included in swinging, but I do have an awful lot of Sub/ Dom followers, and I have previously been in an intense BDSM style relationship, while also enjoying the lifestyle. Some couples are hardcore followers of the lifestyle and live 24/7 in their respective roles. Others only implement the dynamics in the bedroom.
Thanks to Fifty Shades Of Grey, we are now seeing bondage and discipline on the high street, and more people are open to discuss the fetish with their partners. It has definitely caused a spark in the imagination of many couples; you only have to walk into a sex shop in central London to see how much 50 Shades merchandise there is! If there wasn’t the demand, the shops wouldn’t stock it!
Some clubs I visit have very specialised BDSM equipment, and you can incorporate this into your swinging play. Usually like-minded couples all head to the designated dungeon, so chances are if they are in there, they are into it too! There are many different dynamics that couples have, and again, some reserve certain acts for their partner, (this is mainly to do with trust) if you want to play with sub or dom couples, then head to BDSM.com where you can chat with other couples who pursue this kind of kink!
A switch is someone happy to play either role in the bedroom. I identify as a switch, and I’ve never been happier! There are times that I will gladly surrender myself to a dominant man, woman, or couple and be entirely at their mercy. There are also times where I dominate whoever I’m playing with. I’ve met sissy boys, played with couples where I’ve joined in the domming of the girl, and currently, I am worshipped by my own adoring S. Should he decide to change roles, I’d happily play the role of submissive! Until then, get on your knees!
Hard/ Soft Limits
You may have heard the hard/soft terminology before, as again these jargons feature in 50 Shades, and although I did roll my eyes at the film, (Anastasia would bore me) limits do feature heavily in swinger play. So, what are hard and soft limits? To be honest, that question is all down to individual taste. Some people only participate in ‘hard limits’ (anal, bondage, wax, watersports) with their partner, while others do everything, full swap, different room!
There is no right or wrong way to approach limits, and that’s ok. What’s normal for one is a no go area for another. This is why a frank, prior discussion is always best. A woman may be bi-curious and have ‘soft limits’ with a woman, but be happy for full swap sex with a guy, and vice versa!
In conclusion… there are many different terminologies, types, identities, and roles that are associated with swinging and the lifestyle. I haven’t even started talking about gender identity and sexual identity within swinging! To have fantastically fulfilling sex, always be honest about your limits, kinks and desires.
If full-on kissing with tongues is a ‘hard limit’ for you, say so! Don’t just go along with it, out of fear of upsetting the balance. State your desires always, and remember confidence is sexy! All sex can be great sex, regardless of your different swinger style. Never be afraid to say what you want or what you don’t want!Follow me on social media