Do Couples That Swing Stay Together?
Do Couples That Swing Stay Together?I’m sure its crossed your mind; whether your seasoned swingers or curious first-timers.
With swinging seen as a healthier alternative to monogamy, and cheating within monogamous relationships being a reason many couples split up, does removing the urge to cheat, (by practising swinging, or a variant of) mean you will stay together?
Or does having an ‘open’ relationship lead you down a path of uncertainty? Does it pave the way for your partner to up and leave, after they have sampled the delights of the green grass on the other side?
Over recent years I have seen a rise in non-monogamous couples, polyamory and ‘open’ relationships. So it’s either becoming more popular, or it was always popular, and couples are just feeling more relaxed about discussing their involvement in the lifestyle. Or of course, it could well be a mix of both!
So with more people getting involved in the lifestyle, does this mean couples that swing stay together? Or do they still go their separate ways, even though they have been participating in a little extramarital mutual enjoyment on the side?
It’s hard to find people to talk to about this particular subject, but luckily, open and honest conversation is what thiskindagirl is good at! So, shall we?
Why Do People Swing?
Swinging isn’t for everyone, and I’m sure there are some people you know that if you even uttered the word ‘swinger’, they would brand you a ‘pervert’ whilst simultaneously googling ‘what do swingers do?’
This is fine, we all have friends and perhaps colleagues who we would never dream of sharing our involvement in the lifestyle with. But for those who do enjoy, how often do they fancy it, and what does it add to their relationship?
You don’t have to live the swinging life 24/7 to be considered swingers. In fact, as with most things swinger, you decide the rules and limits! Some people visit clubs every weekend and are very active in the lifestyle; they may arrange their own parties and have a large circle of swinger friends they socialise with. In comparison, others may enjoy visiting a club a few times a year and play with strangers. For other couples, they may enjoy various takes on the swinger lifestyle. Hotwifing, cuckolding, and cuckqueening are all different ways to swap partners.
If swinging is seen as an alternative to monogamy, and an aid to keep couples together, do all the different types of swinging function in the same way? Or are some methods more successful than others at achieving this?
Ok, ok I know I’ve asked a lot of questions, but it’s a topic I’m interested in, plus, by the number of people who have googled ‘Do Couples That Swing Stay Together?’ I can safely say that it’s something a few of you are asking!
Is Swinging Healthy For A Relationship?
I’ve spoken to many swinger couples over the years. There has been one common underlying theme that I have noticed in all their relationships, regardless of their kink. Are you ready for it?
‘Swinging has brought us closer together’.
Two of my followers both wrote to me recently to tell me how swinging had brought them closer together, and now they are more intimate than ever.
From my own experience, I can vouch for this. When you start discussing swinging within your relationship, you open up a whole new platform for honest discussion and conversation.
Sharing fantasies, ideas, and desires are some of the joys of swinging. Intensifying the connection and emotional exclusivity within your relationship soon follow, as you fall deeper in love.
This all sounds exceptionally peachy! And I know that there will be some sceptical readers who perhaps haven’t experienced this, or are doubtful this intimate growth can happen. So, to assess both sides of the coin, (after all, life isn’t always perfect) let’s look at what can lead swinger couples to break up.
Does Swinging Ruin Relationships?
Swinger couples are regular couples and just like regular couples, they all face their fair share of ups and downs. Life isn’t all one big blissful bikini-optional hot tub party, and sometimes you fight and fallout. Usual arguing is all part of life. You fall out, he sulks, she sulks, but you apologise and makeup. You work together to overcome whatever difficulties you are facing and find a solution. However, when it comes to bad behaviour within the confines of the ‘swinger’ part of your relationship, I find this behaviour hard to forgive, or even comprehend.
I have seen fake profiles, rule-breaking, secrecy and insecurity ruin relationships. I have been approached by men and women independently who want to ‘secretly’ swing with me, without their partner knowing. I’ve been sent explicit pictures with an accompanying message of ‘X doesn’t know I’m sending this’ and once, I had to call time mid-play session, as one couple I was playing with the guy was getting more and more insecure. Bickering during sex is such a turn-off!
It only takes a few seconds for trust to be broken, after working so hard together to build it.
How we react to situations around us plays a big part in how we move forward as a couple. Sometimes, we want to experience a situation but aren’t sure quite how we will feel. Will it be a turn on or a turn-off? And how do we reconnect positively?
If you have never swung before, it can be daunting not knowing what emotions will arise.
Acknowledging what you are and aren’t comfortable with the first step to establishing your rules and boundaries, firstly for yourself and then as a couple. You may be surprised if you think you will enjoy a particular thing, but in reality, you don’t respond as you previously believed you would.
So what happens if you experience something your partner enjoys and you do not? You may feel that them enjoying that particular thing is a step too far.
Let’s talk about kissing; real full-on, passionate kissing. For me, kissing is something I reserve for my partner and me. If I do it with others, I don’t insinuate it, and if I do kiss other people (men or women), it’s only on the lips, no tongue.
I always communicate my rules to my partner, and those I am playing with. I’m not ruling out kissing, but intimate, passionate kissing is sacred, and I want to keep it that way. Should the people I’m playing with try and do it anyway, I will politely remind them (no need to cause a scene) that I don’t want to do that and if they continue asking I will simply up and leave.
Being the agreeable woman I am, I am happy to compromise. Some guys have different boundaries and rules from my own, that perhaps to me aren’t a big deal, but to them are essential. So listening, compromising, and playing fairly so both parties are comfortable is vital.
Now, if my partner is the one who disregards my rules, then I am afraid I won’t tolerate this behaviour.
It can hurt when you physically see your partner breaking the rules in front of you. That blatant disregard for your preferences and boundaries is very damaging to a relationship. If you have had the rules conversation beforehand and set out a list of shared boundaries and they still break them, then im afraid you need to consider whether that person is right for you and taking your relationship seriously.
Feelings After Swinging
Does swinging lead to a happier relationship? I want to say that yes, in most cases it does. Once you understand that the intimacy you share with your partner is an exclusive bond; anything else you enjoy together is simply a bonus. You will find yourselves wanting to nurture that bond and work hard together to maintain it, strengthen it and develop it deeper. When you reconnect after swinging you share in your emotions and for some, compersion begins to manifest.
Are All Swinger Relationships The Same?
Earlier I asked ‘Do all the different types of swinger relationships function in the same way? Or are some methods more successful than others at keeping couples together?’
I would like to say that I have experienced all types of swinger kinks. However, some don’t appeal! So instead, I will be drawing from the experiences of fellow swingers I have met, or chatted to online. All relationships are different, and what one person gains from experience or desire can be very different from their partner.
What Is Cuckolding?
Now this one I can offer some insight to. I find cuckolding to be very intimate indeed, and the level of trust that S and I share, runs deep. He opens up his about his fantasies and desires to me, and I open up to him about what I want to experience. There’s no one else I would share my intimate desires with, and it’s the same for him. Yes, we meet other couples and have sex and sometimes he is dominant with other women, but for us, cuckolding brings a deep intimacy and a place to share our desires.
What Is Hotwifing?
Similar to cuckolding, but in hotwifing, it’s the ‘hotwife’ who has sex with other men after her husband has given his consent. I’ve met several Hotwifes, and in fact, S and I met a couple who practised this recently. The Hotwife in question, was yes, you guessed it, hot and the husband was a lovely guy, he simply wanted to watch S, and I have sex with her. Afterwards, I chatted with him, and he revealed that he loves to see his wife having sex and enjoys assisting her in any way possible, to make this happen. They were a couple that had been doing this for years, and were very happy and very much in love.
Common Fears Among Couples Who Swing
Its perfectly normal for people to have fears, insecurities, doubts and worries. But what common fears do swingers have, if any? I found that when I was new to swinging, and before I had experienced full swap swinging, I was afraid that my partner, when enjoying sex with another woman, might discover the grass was greener.
How wrong could I be? When I saw how in love and deeply committed the couple we were swapping with were, I knew that they were not interested in anything other than sex. Afterwards, when we were reconnecting, it was a fantastic feeling to of experienced that first full swap together. We both felt fortunate to of shared the experience.
A common insecurity I have heard, among male swingers, is that they are sometimes concerned another man might have a bigger dick than them, and satisfy their woman in ways they cannot. Guys, for me, this has never been a problem. I adore S. Does he have a huge cock? No? Does he have a small cock? No. Is his cock perfectly in proportion? Yes. Do I ever size him up against other men? No, never! There may be men with massive cocks, thick cocks, long cocks, but that’s all they have. They are not my man! And for that reason, I would never ditch S because another man who I encountered at a party had a bigger cock than him.
In Conclusion- Do Couples That Swing Stay Together?
Swinging can’t save a bad marriage. If you are facing difficulties within your relationship that stem from trust issues and cheating, then swinging won’t remove the problem. Swinging, open relationships and polygamy need to come from a place of mutual respect, love and honesty and never as a last resort. If you are already facing problems of insecurity and jealousy, participating in the lifestyle might exacerbate the problem. Sure, it is normal to feel some insecurity and even possessiveness, from time to time, but when one partner fixates on this or lets it consume them, you will find it impossible to move forward with a positive approach to swinging.
In my experience, most people I have met have been rock solid couples who both enjoy the lifestyle or their own take on it and see it as a shared hobby, a joint interest, where both parties find participating a shared pleasure that adds to their relationship.Come and get involved on social!