First Time Swingers Do We Have A Threesome?

First Time Swingers Do We Have A Threesome?I recently received a DM in my Instagram inbox that got me thinking about threesomes (not that I need much encouragement there). And, more specifically, is a threesome better than a foursome for a first-time swinger couple? 

It sounded a little like this…

Dear thiskindagirl, 

I wondered if it would be good to do a 3some first, before our first time swinging properly? It’s something we talked about, but I don’t know if it helps ease into swinging? My girlfriend suggested we do a threesome (MFF) to try first and eventually do a full swap if we find suitable couples we like. Is a threesome better than a foursome for first-time couples? 

First Time Swinger Advice, Shall We Have A Threesome? This is a question I believe is simply begging to be answered, in full, by yours truly! I’m quite shocked that I haven’t already covered it in my rather extensive first-time swinger blog articles.

How has it managed to escape me? After all, it’s a question that I asked when I first started swinging, so if I have asked it, I’m pretty sure you guys and girls will have too or will have least been thinking about it. 

So do you fancy a threesome, foursome, or a more some? It’s time to find out! 

Does A Threesome Ease Couples Into The Lifestyle? 

There is a preconceived ideal scenario of a first time swinger couple meeting up with a single female and having sex with her in the form of a threesome, which then forms the foundation of the couples swinger life together. A crossing the threshold threesome, if you may, but in reality, does it really happen like this? And why do people think that having a threesome with a girl provides them with some kind of solid starting point?  

I can see the arguments from both sides, so, as ever, I’m going to give you an honest and realistic answer as to why many people look for a threesome first. 

Why Would A Couple Want A Threesome? 

Although I wouldn’t say I like generalising too much, I will use a stereotypical newbie swinger couple to answer this question. Chances are, it is the guy who has suggested swinging and perhaps already has had fantasies of having sex with two women. By all means, women can initiate swinging and have threesome fantasies (I certainly do), but in this case, I am talking about a typical first-time swinger couple who are looking for a single female to join. 

So, why would they want a threesome? Well, for starters, I believe that a single woman getting involved appears to be a lot less threatening or intimidating than another couple. I know I’m probably going to get backlash for saying this, but let’s face it, I’m sure most men would feel more comfortable having a single girl involved than both a man and a woman for their first time? And women may also feel more comfortable having a fellow solo woman join instead of both a man and women.  

From the men I have spoken to over the years, both single guys and those in a relationship who are curious about starting swinging, they are often hesitant to involve a couple for a swapping session. However, their eyes light up at the thought of another woman in the mix. So, what is the reason behind this? 

Opening up your relationship is scary; seeing your partner having sex or being intimate with another person is a big step. Jealousy, insecurity and fear can become mixed with excitement, lust and desire.

Keeping these emotions in check can be challenging, especially when you’re new to the swinger lifestyle and aren’t sure how you will react. Does having a threesome make it easier to manage your emotions? Well, probably yes, but if it’s watching your partner have sex with a guy that you are struggling to deal with, watching her have sex with a woman (as a means of preparing yourself for a full swap with a MF couple) isn’t the answer. Instead, the solution here is to talk to your partner about why you have reservations, not simply opt for a threesome because it suits you better. 

Recently, I asked my fans and followers over on my Instagram what they believed made a MFF threesome an appealing option for first-time swingers. One of the most popular answers, unsurprisingly, was ‘it’s hotter to watch’. 

This answer came from both men and women. Perhaps it is hot to watch but is this the sole reason people want to get a single girl involved? 

Why A Foursome Doesn’t Have To Be Full Swap

The first time I properly got involved in the Swinger Lifestyle, it was with a couple. Although it was daunting to swap (I too was part of a couple), in actual fact, it wasn’t as scary as I believed it would be. We had a few vanilla dates and then arranged to meet for our first swinger date. It was a mix of me and her having sex and the guys watching, and then a full swap at the end, but it definitely wasn’t as full-on as I had first believed it would be. For a start, she and I spent more time being intimate and enjoying one another than we did with each other’s partners. So, in reality, it was like a girl on girl sexy session with the guys getting involved at the end, which suited everyone just fine. 

Although we did swap partners towards the end of the night, I felt we could quite easily have had a soft swap with them or had sex with our own partners, and it would have been equally as enjoyable. It was just great to experience being intimate with other people and having my partner there to enjoy the feeling with. How we had sex was not overly crucial for me, it was more intimacy with other people we were exploring. 

Why Having A Threesome May Be Bad For A Relationship

As with any Ethical Non-Monogamy, having a threesome still comes with its fair share of risks. It’s not all peachy perfect! Here are a few reasons why having a threesome may be bad for a swinger relationship. 

  • You have to take safety seriously, yes it may be a soft swap but that doesn’t mean you should scrimp on the use of barriers, dental damn and condoms. Safety first, guys and girls, always! 
  • A single person may feel rejected or used afterwards. Just because they are single, it doesn’t mean they should be cast aside. I have met couples who have later ghosted me or pushed me out the door without saying goodbye. It’s behaviour like that that needs to stop. Sure, I don’t want to get involved in another couple’s relationship, but being courteous is just good manners! 
  • Unless the single person, male or female, is already involved in the lifestyle, it can be hard to separate emotions. I don’t recommend swinging with single ‘vanilla’ friends for this reason. If I want a single person involved, I tend to approach singles either in swinger clubs or on swinger websites. It’s a lot easier than having to navigate your way through an awkward and sometimes explicit conversation with someone who has no idea you are in the lifestyle in the place. 

Can Swinger Couples Have A Threesome With A Guy? 

Yes! Absolutely, although it may not be on everyone’s wish list! 

There are plenty of single male swingers out there who are looking to get involved with a couple. If you are a Bi male, then getting another Bisexual guy involved can provide you with whatever guy on guy action you are looking for! If you want to see your women having sex with a guy or even a Bull, then a MMF threesome may provide you with this also! 

Shall We Have Threesome- In Conclusion 

It is easy to see why a newbie swinger couple may want to get a third person involved, especially a female, and there are plenty of single female swingers out there If you know where to look. As with any ENM activity, it’s vital to discuss your limits beforehand and have a vanilla date with whoever you are hoping to play with to ensure that you are all on the same page. I can’t stress to you how important it is to bear in mind that if you want to arrange a threesome with another woman, but your woman is straight or vice versa, you want to arrange it with a Bi guy, and your guy is straight, then no amount of begging, pleading or persuading should make them change their mind.

You can’t arrange a threesome and hope for the best (I’ve witnessed this too many times), and neither can you simply go along with it to keep your partner sweet. If you are both straight, then I would probably not recommend a threesome at all unless the dynamics are that of a cuckold couple. Having a soft swap with another straight couple might be a better option. 

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