Help With Starting Swinging
If you are considering dipping your toe into ‘the lifestyle’ it may be beneficial for you to get some help with starting swinging. A how-to, where to begin guide, aimed at giving you an overview of what swinging involves, so you can determine if your relationship, or personal situation ( yes, there are single swingers too) is ready for the swinging scene! And as ever, your favourite girl is on hand to give you all the guidance you need to help with starting swinging.
Is Swinging Right For You?
Swinging isn’t reserved simply for married couples. Single people and friends with benefits swing too. However, the same mentality needs to be adopted, regardless of your relationship status. To swing successfully, you need to be honest; firstly with yourself, and secondly, with those around you. Having an open and honest discussion, verbalising your thoughts and desires is all part of the journey. Even though we may try and pre-empt our reactions, emotions, sensations, and situations may present themselves that you hadn’t prepared for when starting swinging. It’s not what does or doesn’t happen, its how you react, that is key to becoming a successful swinger.
What Are You Hoping To Get Out Of Swinging?
People swing for a variety of different reasons. For some its about voyeurism and exhibitionism, and they dont engage in sex or intimacy with others. Some people want to have the freedom to express their bisexual side, and others want to act out their fantasies. Many people ( both singles and couples) enjoy the social aspect of swinging and build friendships with other swingers. Not many couples I have met have told me they got into it as a last resort or ‘because he/she wanted to and they went along with it’.
Whether you choose to partake in the lifestyle on a full-time basis (parties every weekend) or simply enjoy a threesome once or twice a year, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Swinging won’t save a marriage that’s already on the rocks.
Swinging is a healthy and natural ( a lot more realistic than pair bonding with sexual exclusivity) alternative to monogamy. For many people being sexually exclusive with one person for the rest of their lives just isn’t going to happen! Whether you identify as straight, Bisexual or Gay, getting your rocks off with the same person isn’t realistic! So what’s the healthy alternative? Swinging! You get to keep all the emotional connections and exclusivity you have with your loved one, whilst having great sex with others! What’s not to like!
There is, of course, Polyamory, which is based more on an emotional connection than a purely sexual one, which again is an alternative to monogamy. If this is more you thing, then fill your boots!
What Do Couples Achieve By Swinging?
Well, do you want a list? I could write a whole topic all about this, but that can wait for now… here are my top reasons swinging is amazing!
The reconnection afterwards is almost as good as the swinging itself! Reconnecting is part of the swinging experience, and for me, it’s all about unwinding, reflecting and reminiscing. Reconnection can be done by yourself, if you are a single person, or together if you are in a couple. Taking time out to digest the events of the night, process the emotions and consider the outcomes ( both positive and negative) are all vital. Putting the world on hold whilst you reconnect with your body, your mind and your partner ( if you have one) is something that shouldn’t be ignored.
Through swinging, I have discovered the joy of compersion.
Compersion is the complete opposite of jealousy. Its the feeling of experiencing joy when your loved one has a positive experience, regardless of whether you are directly involved or not.
A few years ago I wanted to arrange a great birthday treat for the boyfriend I had at the time. We were already enjoying the swinging lifestyle together, and we had been discussing new fantasies and experiences. He shared with me his desire for one particular fantasy to be made a reality. I took note of his desires and dressed specifically how he had described. And, once at the club, orchestrated the scenario he was so keen to experience. He was thrilled at having had his fantasy made into reality, and this made me happy, and that was the best feeling!
When we pair bond, we create a world that is private, intimate and irreplaceable. The trust, love and communication that only you and your partner share are deeply personal and unique to you. Swinging deepens these bonds, and your relationship becomes more solid. It’s a strange concept, opening up your relationship to feel closer, but that’s how it works!
How to Talk About Swinging
So maybe you have fantasies about having a threesome or are bisexual, or perhaps your partner is? Or maybe you are none of these and are just curious? Whatever the situation, there’s only one way to go. Honesty is the best policy.
As soon as the ‘shall we talk about swinging?‘ question is raised, immediately, we become come flooded with worries, doubts and concerns. But do not worry. This is entirely normal. Don’t punish your partner for not clapping their hands together enthusiastically; it’s a big step. These kind of conversations are challenging to have, and once you have had it, you’ve done the hardest part.
Responding to the idea of swinging with mild anxiety is absolutely 100% normal. Does it mean you can’t explore this lifestyle? No! does it mean your clingy and obsessive? No! What it does mean is that your human and you have found a good thing in your partner! Of course, you want to hold on tight! This person is a catch! Accepting these feelings is the first step.
Facing the fear of rejection from your partner is another reason that having the ‘I Want To Try Swinging’ conversation can be daunting.
The last thing you want is to open up about your desires and fantasies that you want to turn into a reality, only to be then rejected by the one person that means so much to you. My advice is this; successful swinging starts when you have honesty and good communication. You dont have to rush into arranging a threesome. Explain to your partner why you want to go on this journey with them, and only them; the fact that you want to explore it with them is pretty unique in the first place. You may not both be on the same page, but slowly, through honest communication, you will figure out what direction you want your swinging to take.
Fear of losing your partner is another concern for many couples when having an initial discussion about swinging. The thought of them running off with another person, or believing the grass is greener on the other side are two completely normal and understandable reactions to swinging.
What you have to remember, is no matter who you play with, flirt with or chat to, that person can never and should never be a replacement for your intimate relationship.
There are plenty of great people to play with a build a close connection with, but a genuine loving connection is something that is only reserved for my relationship.
Swinger couples hate drama, and the minute I suspect there’s even a whiff of drama or unreasonable behaviour in a couple, I call time on the proceedings.
Where Can I Find Couples For Swinging?
In this day and age, Google has the answer. Swingers clubs, couples dating sites, forums, online communities, local parties, you name it; the internet lists it! But, which are best I hear you ask?
If your completely new to swinging, which I guess you are, seeing as your reading a post titled Help With Starting Swinging, then I would suggest you start slowly. Before you overload your senses with swinger dating profiles and part with your cash, check out the swinger community groups on Reddit. Read through different topics and experiences. There are so many varied aspects of swinging listed on Reddit that sooner or later you will stumble upon a post that you can truly relate to. After all, we have all been absolute beginners!
After you have familiarised yourself with the online community and discussed your findings, then, and only then should you sign up to a swingers dating site.
Are There Swinging Rules?
When you are starting swinging, it can be challenging to know what you like and dislike, and what your boundaries are. After all, if you have never experienced something, how do you know how you will respond, what you will and won’t enjoy?
When I first started swinging, I wasn’t sure what boundaries to set. Being the sensible girl I am, I went with practicalities and safety first and established a set of rules based on how I could enjoy swinging whilst still having safe sex. These rules have changed and evolved; some new rules have been added; some have been taken away. Here are a few suggestions that might help you develop your own swinger rules;
- No anal play when swinging- you may wish to reserve that only for your partner.
- Same room only swap.
- Soft swap only until you are feeling confident.
- When chatting with other swingers/ couples online, then both be present in the conversation.
- If making a whats app chat group, then all parties are included in the chat and able to view all communication.
When you find something that makes you feel great; a new sensation or emotion, that you weren’t expecting, its a fantastic feeling. Over time your rules and boundaries will change as you experience different scenarios within the lifestyle. You should always clearly communicate your limits to one another, and if you are a single swinger, to any potential play partners. It is imperative that you only ever move at a pace the least experienced person is happiest with. This rule applies to all swinging situations!
How To Feel Confident When Starting Swinging
Sometimes the thought of being exposed around others is a turn off in its self! Dont worry, this is completely 100% normal!
If you are in a relationship, then talk about your insecurities, after all, we all have them and sometimes verbalising them is an excellent form of relief. Opening up about how you feel is all part of the journey. What I can tell you is this…swingers are entirely ordinary people who are all facing their own insecurities. We all have parts of our bodies we dont like, features we don’t want others to see and things we would love to change. But that’s part of us, as humans, we are all different, we are all unique! I would never let my insecurities hold me back from pursuing what I love. Sure I have insecurities, but how I deal with them is to acknowledge them and work with what I have got.
Noone at a party has ever insisted that I remove all my clothes, and if I have, then its been my decision. You dont have to strip down and stand butt naked. If you dont like part of your body, wear something flattering, ( corset) or boosting (push up bra) and make the most of what you got! Once you realise the human body comes in a variety of shapes and sizes, you will relax. Wearing something that makes you feel sexy, confident and gorgeous will boost your self-esteem and image. Check out my guides for men and women.
Attending Your First Swingers Party
Your first party will be butterflies in the tummy, are we really doing this? This shit just got real, kind of night. And that’s completely normal. You can read reviews, past experiences, and top tips for your first time in a swingers club, but nothing will prepare you for what it is actually like. ( Aside from my well-written articles, of course) You might decide to dive in and play straight away, you might take things steady and watch, or perhaps you will provide the entertainment? Dont pressure yourselves to get in on the action. If you want to watch and observe the proceedings, this is fine.
If you want to get your kit off and join in, that’s fine too.
Sometimes it can be great to attend a club, chat with a couple or single person and arrange to meet for a date later in the week. Slowly easing yourself into the lifestyle is what starting swinging is all about. Making friendships and comparing experiences is also highly beneficial, by having conversations with other swingers, you will soon discover that they are just regular people who enjoy sex, just a little spicier!
After Your First Swinging Party
Wow! What A Night! Its 3 am, your first party has just come to an end, and you’re getting your coat from the cloakroom. Your body has been in sensory overload; you can’t wait to discuss the night with your partner and to go home and digest the evening’s events in the comfort of your own private space.
Taking time out to reconnect with yourself, your body and your spouse is the next step.
Talking about the emotions, sensations and scenarios you have experienced is a crucial part of your swinging journey. Reconnecting after swinging should be a conversation that comes from a loving place. Even if you experienced something, you didn’t find enjoyable, explain why and what emotions came to the surface. If you had pangs of jealousy, then explore that, perhaps individual acts should only remain between you and your partner? I, for one, do not enjoy passionate kissing with anyone other than S, and this is one of my rules when we swing! I didn’t discover this until I’d been to several parties, so sometimes these things can come as a surprise!
Perhaps there were situations that you found a real turn on? Scenarios that previously you hadn’t thought of before and now want to explore further? Once you start on your swinging journey, you may be amazed at what you discover.
Heres my routine after a party, whether I am playing solo or with S.
I arrive back home, or back at my hotel, and thank my hosts for a lovely evening, usually via a text. Then run a big deep bath. Plenty of bubbles and maybe some candles. I then take off sexy swinger clothes (those of you who know me know I like to dress in thigh-high boots and corsets, sexy as hell but not comfortable!) I lay back in the bath, close my eyes and digest the night’s events. What I liked, what I didn’t like and what was a new experience. If I’m with S, then we will snuggle up together in bed and revisit the night, talking openly and honestly about how it made us feel.
I do hope this article has proved useful when you are wanting help with starting swinging! I know its daunting, trust me, I’ve been there! If you want any more help, then do please get in touch! Loves, Thiskindagirl xxFollow me on social media