How Can I Convince My Wife To Try Swinging?
How Can I Convince My Wife To Try Swinging? It’s a question that I get asked rather frequently, and one that many people are searching for. Quite understandably too! You want to explore the lifestyle with your partner, but you’re not sure how to talk to them about it. The thought of trying to convince them its a journey for the both of you to go on together fills you with worry. What if they reject the idea? And reject you in the process? Dont worry, I am here to answer all your questions on how can I convince my wife to start swinging.
So, I was sent this question recently, and I believe many people will be able to resonate with the guy who asked the question.
Hi there Thiskindagirl,
We are an older couple, and I have been asking my wife to try swinging for a long time. She is very turned on by the idea of exploring but in the morning after we fantasize about it, she becomes reluctant and says it’s got to stay a fantasy and that we will ruin our marriage if we try it. I want to convince her that trying swinging won’t ruin our marriage.
I am a very sexually frustrated husband, and I think she is too as it’s the same old usual sex.
Even discussing it makes me feel like a pervert. I dont want to feel like im pressuring her into anything she doesn’t want to do. I want us to go on this journey together. I want to reassure her in a loving way and communicate to her the benefits of being in a non- monogamous or polyamorous relationship.
Any ideas on how to take this forward?
How Can I Convince My Partner To Try Swinging
I need to stress that there’s no guarantee your partner is going to want to try swinging. You can’t convince anyone to do anything they dont want to do. They have to draw their own conclusions as to what they would and would not like to try. Just because you want to try it, it doesn’t mean they want to try it. The best thing you can do is be honest and open about how you want to explore the lifestyle with them.
You cant coerce or pressure anyone into swinging, relationships, sex or any form of intimacy. If they dont want to try it, then respect their feelings and wishes.
Sadly, coercion can be used by men and women to manipulate and bully their loved ones into situations and scenarios. Sometimes, unless they comply with whatever request is asked of them, they may find themselves on the receiving end of some pretty disgusting behaviour. No one should ever use these tactics in a relationship, never mind one that is potentially being introduced to the swinging lifestyle. Using phrases such as ‘if you loved me you’d do it‘ and ‘everyone else is doing it, what’s wrong with you?‘ are two examples of the very worst kinds of coercion behaviour.
If you or your partner are guilty of either of these traits, I suggest you have a seriously long think about whether swinging is the right choice for you. And work hard on becoming a more wholesome individual. After all, I’d rather my partner want to participate out of their own sexual curiosity, rather than doing it to ‘keep the other person sweet.’
In the email R sent me, he states that he ‘wants to go on the journey together’ and that he has been ‘asking his wife to try swinging for a long time’ this suggests to me that him wanting to explore the lifestyle has been something he’s been desiring to share with his wife for quite some time.
The foundations of an excellent swinger relationship are based on honesty and trust. You dont have to of been together years before you start swinging, there are no rules that state swinging is strictly for long term couples. As long as there are trust and communication, it makes little difference if you have been together for six years or six months. The fact that R wants to ‘share together’ new experiences with his wife is very encouraging indeed. It can be daunting to hear your partner has had thoughts about wanting to try swinging, and for some people, they feel threatened by it. The fact that he wants to share swinging with her, demonstrate to me that he wants it to be a shared passion, not merely something she’s going to ‘go along with’.
Why Do People Swing?
People start swinging for a variety of different reasons. Not everyone is following the same path, and what some couples enjoy is entirely different from what you may enjoy. Some people start swinging as they want to watch others having sex within the safe and inclusive environment of a swingers party, surrounded by friends who support them. Others like to be watched, and again, this desire can be made a reality by attending swinging clubs and parties where you can surround yourself with others who enjoy your kinks!
Some people like to watch their wives having sex with other men, and again this is easily achievable in a swingers club!
Others decide to get into swinging as they want to explore their Bisexual side within the security of their established relationship. There are no right and wrong ways to swing and why people start swinging is usually a combination of reasons.
Psychological Effects Of Swinging
It sounds like a contradiction what Im going to say next but bear with me. Ok?
Opening up your relationship and joining the swinger lifestyle brings more closeness and exclusivity to your relationship.
Through swinging, or persuing an ‘open’ relationship, you will experience a different kind of emotional intimacy. One that I believe deepens and strengthens the bonds between you.
You and your partner will both be given the chance to share and express parts of your sexuality that have previously remained hidden. Who wouldn’t want to share their innermost desires with the person they feel most comfortable and sexy with? Sharing without the fear of being judged is a beautiful feeling.
Reconnecting after swinging is a crucial step and one that many couples dont consider before they start swinging. Reconnecting is vital for strengthening bonds. Sharing your afterthoughts allows you to discuss, explore and acknowledge your desires in a safe and nurturing environment. When you reconnect with your partner, you discuss what you enjoyed, and didn’t enjoy. What emotions arose and how whatever you participated in made you feel. Only you and your partner share this reconnecting, which in turn draws you closer together.
You only have to look at strong swinger couples to see how in love they are! The connection and understanding you create could never be replaced by someone who isn’t in the lifestyle. It simply wouldn’t work. Always remember to reconnect at the end of the night, after having a conversation online with other swingers, or after meeting potential male or females for a future meet.
Downsides of Swinging
Swinging isn’t always peachy, and if you are wanting to learn about how to convince your wife to start swinging, you also have to prepare for the downsides. Yes, there are a few negative’s you have to consider!
Understandably, swingers like to be discreet, and if you are talking to your partner about starting swinging, then you both need to be prepared for making a discreet couples profile and being approached by couples who also want to remain hidden. You certainly dont have to tell anyone that your interested in the lifestyle, and no ones going to find out unless you tell them. Sometimes it can be a worry that you may meet people you know within swinging circles, but they are there for the same reasons as you!
Jealousy and insecurity are both very natural emotions to feel, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t experienced them at some point over the years. Jealousy can be difficult to avoid, and its quite a common behaviour. There are occasions that I feel insecure, even though I dont want to. Acknowledging that insecurity is perfectly normal is the first step into dealing with it healthily. We all feel uncertain about things from time to time. Whether its a physical part of our bodies or how we feel about a situation. Check out my post on swinging and jealousy to get to grips with insecurity and learn how to combat it.
How can I Convince My Wife To Start Swinging?- My Top Tips
- Explain that you want to share the swinging experience with them and that you cant imagine doing it with anyone else. You want to experience and enjoy the lifestyle together, and grow as a couple.
- Listen to her reservations and fears. Understandably, she’s going to have concerns about starting swinging, listen to them and find a solution together. If one partner thinks swinging will ruin the relationship, ask them why? Then address these reasons, are they founded in anything specific.
- Remind your partner that they are loved and adored regardless of being involved in the swinger lifestyle.
- Make sure you enter the lifestyle for the right reasons if you would love to see your wife having sex with another woman but shes, not in the slightest bit Bi-curious, then im afraid no amount of pestering is going to make her change her mind.
- You have to be prepared to compromise and work together. Chances are the person who initiated the swinging feels more confident that the person who didn’t. Taking things slowly is key; always move at the pace of the least experienced person.
- Read blogs and other peoples experiences of swinging together, to get a realistic idea of what the lifestyle is all about. There was a time, many years ago, I didn’t think id ever be able to swing with another couple…oh how times change!
- If your partner really doesn’t get it, I’m afraid there’s not an awful lot you can do to convince them. If they reject you and brandish you a pervert, ( which sadly does happen) this can hurt. You have to understand that they are probably doing this if they are feeling unhappy about what you have suggested. After all, the natural response to something we dont understand and feel threatened by is to be cynical about it. Feeling threatened by the prospect of introducing others into your most intimate relationship is perfectly normal.
- If your partner is not warming to the idea of opening up your relationship, then you can always suggest other ways in which you can enjoy different types of sex together. If having an active and experimental sex life is important to you then dont be afraid to voice your opinions and desires. Your desires are personal to you, and if you want to experiment sexually, then you should be able to. Sometimes you have to compromise within a relationship, but that doesn’t mean not persuing what turns you on for fear of upsetting others. If you want to experience anal sex whilst performing oral on your woman, for example, but your partner isn’t keen on getting another man involved, then investing in a good quality dildo or butt plug can be a solution. Using sex aids can be helpful in providing you with a risk -free, alternative to a threesome.