How Can I Get Started Swinging? 10 Top Tips!

How Can I Get Started Swinging? Welcome to my beginner’s manual, my entrée, my back to basics, dont take your clothes off until you’ve read it guide to ‘How Can I get Started Swinging, my 10 top tips!

But firstly, a little bit of background as to why I chose to write this post. Now, I get a lot of questions, requests and messages. Once I’ve filtered through the USDP’s, the guys enquiring as to how much I cost ( I’m NOT for sale) and the spam, I have left my favourite and most cherished (No, I dont cherish a picture of your dick!?) emails of all. 

These emails, comments and messages give me a warm fuzzy feeling that even a Dom girl like me can’t resist! And so, this post was born! Firstly out of a desire to provide you, dear readers with the answers to How Can I Get Started Swinging? And secondly, If you’re asking it, that must mean there are other people out there who are seeking the same answers! And so, here it is, my top 10 tips to help you on your swinging journey! 

Getting Comfortable With Swinging 

No, I dont meant sinking into the sofa with a brew and a packet of chocolate hobnobs. (Well, I guess you could) What I mean is you need to get comfortable talking about swinging, discussing sex, watching porn, researching the lifestyle, reading online blogs. ( well done on finding me :)) You need to get accustomed to considering sexuality, thinking about it, and forming your own opinions and desires. There’s nothing more unattractive in a person, or couple, who dont have any passions or ideas of their own. It doesn’t matter if you are part of a couple or a single person; if you want to learn more about swinging, opening up your eyes to a different lifestyle is vital. You dont have to discuss your innermost desires from day one, and swinging is a gradual journey. Reading past experiences, joining online members communities and searching for blogs is a great way to start. 

 If you find your self merely going along with whatever your partner has suggested and the idea of even reading about swinging is too much for you, then that’s fine, it just means your probably not suited to the lifestyle. 

However if that’s not the case, then its time to get comfortable talking about sex baby! 

Acknowledging Your Emotions When Starting Swinging

You can’t ignore your emotions, suppressing them, disregarding them and pretending they dont exist doesn’t work! When you start swinging, and throughout your swinging life, emotions and feelings will arise that aren’t always the pretty kind. Jealousy, envy and doubt all raise their ugly heads from time to time; the best thing you can do is accept them, understand them, explore why this emotion has manifested, and find a solution. The first step is the acceptance that these emotions, although negative and sometimes detrimental, are entirely normal. Its how you deal with these feelings and move forward in a positive way that makes the difference. 

It’s not all doom and gloom! With swinging comes a vast array of feelings, passions and desires we simply didn’t know we had or had perhaps forgotten about as they had become buried under the rubble of our day to day lives. Compersion, joy and complete honesty can all be discovered by nurturing a loving, non-judgmental environment where you can express your sexual characteristics fully.

Doesn’t this sound like sexual utopia?

Dont be put off from swinging if your first reaction is to think ‘I’d get jealous’ I was this person once; look where I am now! 

Read Real Experiences Of Swinging 

It’s alright me telling you what I would do, what I have done, and what I enjoy. So far, my kinks, fetishes and swinging experiences have been tailored to meet mine and my partner’s needs. Therefore, what I/ we have got out of these experiences, will be entirely different from what you will want to get out of swinging. 

Just because Im a switch who enjoys domming her boyfriend, doesn’t mean that you will too.

 My approach to swinging is unique to me, and yours is unique to you. Perhaps you’re interested in voyeurism, or you have enjoyed swinging as a single person but want to broach the subject with your new partner? One of the best things you can do is join an online community such as Reddit or quora.

Here you will find so many threads, discussions and debates posted by people whose situations are all different. There’s quite a mix so you will discover relatable questions, answers and likeminded communities ready to welcome you with open arms. 

 Rules for Starting Swinging

Whether your a single person or a couple asking How Can I Get Started Swinging? You will need to establish some rules and boundaries first. What are you ok with? What gets you going and what doesn’t? There are many different types of swingers and ways to have sex; there’s no hard and fast rule that says it must be penetrative and last for x amount of time. If you’re unsure on the rules, start with the basics, (safety first) and take it from there. Always using condoms, soft swap, same room, are a few suggestions when drawing up a set of swinging rules. Talking about your practices with other swingers is an integral part of the lifestyle, so always have this discussion first!

Who Enjoys Swinging?

You may be surprised. Once you start looking online, you will see that swingers come in a variety of shapes, sizes and ages. From corporate lawyers to personal trainers, to stay at home mums. Swinging appeals to a wide variety of people! All with their own desires and fetishes. Some people are single and enjoy meeting couples in private. Some couples practise polygamy and are looking to date other polyamorous couples and singles, and some are in Sub/Dom relationships. How do I know all this you ask? 

Because I am part of swinging communities online and we chat about it! Its all part of familiarising yourself with the lifestyle. 

How To Join A Swinger Website 

After you have spent time researching, discussing and fantasising, and, only if you are ready to, its time to take your next step. I wouldn’t recommend joining swingers dating website from the off, so if you haven’t already, go back to points 1 and 3, read them thoroughly, and then decide if you still want to swing! 

Great, your still here! I knew you would be! 

If you are part of a couple, then making a profile together is vital. Each of you having full access to the login and password is what needs to happen if you want to swing successfully. It’s not uncommon for one part of a swinger couple to find people and chat with them online, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok for the other person to sit back and have no input. Firstly, you need to be in this together and having one person do all the searching isn’t really how it works. Secondly, you establish the rules together, so search for swingers together; otherwise, you run the risk of decisions or presumptions being made on your behalf without you having any input. You need to speak up about what you want! And thirdly even if one person does do most of the chatting, the other should still have access to that conversation and the messages received. The minute you start deleting, hiding and secretly having conversations is the minute you become deceitful. If you feel the need to hide it, then I’m afraid you’re not going to make it as successful swingers. 

Some sites offer a free trial before you sign up, with limited access to the features. Dont feel obliged to sign up and pay straight away. Have a look at a few, ask the online communities as to which people recommend and take it from there. SDC, Fab swingers and Spicy Match are all popular options. 

It’s normal for people to exchange messages and chat, share their fantasies and ideas. Some swingers like to have video calls with other swingers (especially in the current COVID climate), and virtual swinging is a thing now! You should never feel coerced or pressured into doing anything you are uncomfortable with or talking about subjects you’re not willing to discuss with others. Yes, you may get a lot of messages, but take your time to look through profiles and build up connections with genuine people. 

You may find that some people on the sites only ever want to talk about swinging or play via a webcam. This is their kink, and that’s as far as they are willing to explore. Dont be put off if you are approached by people whos fantasy this is. There are people out there for everyone! 

Attending Your First Swingers Party

As you spend time looking online, chatting with couples and getting to grips with the swinger scene, you may well see adverts for parties happening locally or nationally, or even internationally! Attending one is a bold move and one that is a scary and exciting prospect, in equal parts! Whether you choose to attend a smaller get-together, (often discussed in local swinger chat rooms) or plan to attend a larger ‘professionally’ run party, you will no doubt be experiencing a mixture of apprehension, hornyness, excitement and curiosity! What will it be like? And who will you meet? 

Here is a piece of advice that I can’t stress to you enough; there’s no pressure to do anything! Just because your surrounded by other amorous couples in a club, or have met a swinger couple for a first date, it doesn’t mean you ( whether your a single swinger or part of a couple) have to partake in anything. And if anyone tries to pressure, coerce or guilt trip you into participating, then simply call time on proceedings. 

Watching, exploring and familiarising yourself with what goes on in a swingers club should be your priority. How does it make you feel? You may discover that you enjoy watching other couples or like being watched yourself. Take your time and move at your own pace. 

Be Realistic When Starting Swinging

Swingers and couples who have ‘open’ relationships are regular people. Regular people, with regular jobs and lives. Some have kids, some dont. Some are long-term married, some aren’t, and some are single and wish to remain that way. One thing they all have in common is this; they all have hang-ups, insecurities and doubts. Just like regular people. Some men I’ve met have been shy about their bodies, some women have been insecure about their post-pregnancy shape, some guys have been nervous about the size of their dicks. Has it meant they have pulled the plug on their enjoyment in the lifestyle? No! Would I let my insecurities about the shape and size of my boobs stop me from swinging? No! 

Do I embrace each and every person I swing with and enjoy them just how they are? Yes! No one is perfect, and we all have something to bring to the table; bring it on is what I say! 

Understand the Importance Of Reconnecting After Swinging

Ah, here I go again, talking about reconnecting after swinging! 

Im sorry, I can’t help it! I feel extremely passionate about reconnecting and making it part of your swinger journey. If you have heard this before, then I’m still not going to apologise because you are coming back for more! ( I dont blame you) So, what is reconnecting after swinging? And why is it essential when you are starting out? 

Reconnection is so very important. Swinging is a highly sensual, emotional and stimulating experience. Regardless of whether you dive headfirst into an orgy, or find yourself being turned on by watching others in the orgy, the transition from swinger world to everyday vanilla life is one that is done gradually, thoughtfully, and with consideration. Taking the time to process the events, (even if it was a swinger first date) should be something that you treat with respect. Allowing time for honest discussion and sharing your opinions about the situation you have experienced and reevaluating your rules should be made after any swinging activity. Suppose it’s after chatting to a couple online, meeting a single swinger for a date, or spending the evening in a club. New situations evoke new responses in us, and sometimes these emotions and feelings take us by surprise! 

So there you have it! My top 10 tips on How Can I Get Started Swinging? I have really enjoyed writing this post, and I thank you all for sending me your questions and inspiring me to make this how-to guide! I do hope it is useful to you in aiding you on your swinger journey! Much love! Thiskindagirl! xx

Follow me on social media

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *