Why a unicorn? I hear you ask! Firstly, they are rare. And secondly, they present a challenge to find and play with. Many people are under the assumption that it is just a case of ‘having a threesome’. However, in reality, this is not how swinging or swinging with a unicorn, works. Unicorns are already swingers and have their own expectations and experiences of the swinger lifestyle. There’s a difference between a single girl whos up for a threesome and a single female swinger.
Chances are an established swinger is already comfortable with the lifestyle and is therefore happy to discuss, openly and honestly the emotional connections and importance of setting rules and boundaries. Although a single girl who isn’t in the ‘lifestyle’ will also have individual limitations and rules that they follow sexually, I wouldn’t feel comfortable playing with anyone ( male or female) who wasn’t already an established swinger.
That being said, I will play with swinger newbies, but only after a few vanilla dates to thoroughly discuss our limits, wants and desires.
Before you decide how to find single female unicorns for swinging, you need to ask yourself why you want to play with a unicorn and not a couple. When a couple swaps with another couple, it’s safe to presume that in most scenarios, everyone gets a taste of one another. ( depending on your kink) Regardless of your sexuality or gender, you usually come away feeling pretty sexually satisfied and more in love than ever before when you have all swapped. However, when playing with a unicorn, sexual satisfaction is quite different. If you are a MF couple, is she going to get the same pleasure playing with a single girl?
My Experiences of Unicorns
For a while, I was a unicorn myself. ( I still have the pony play tail) And although I am in a relationship with S, ( my devoted sub boyfriend) I have experienced my fair share of swinging experience as a single girl. I have also played with single women who I have met in swingers clubs and socially. So I suppose im quite experienced at unicorning around!
A while ago, I came out of a long term relationship, and although everything else in my life was changing around me, I still identified as a Bisexual swinger. I didn’t want to stop swinging simply because I wasn’t in a relationship, so I decided to go it alone. It was quite scary at first, but after a while, I became comfortable and confident chatting to couples alone. I soon got an idea of what I liked and disliked playing as a single person, and what I perhaps would enjoy when playing with single females in the future. I have met couples using dating apps, social media, swinger sites and when attending sex parties in clubs. These methods do work; you just have to figure out how to be approachable!
What Not To Do When Swinging With Unicorns
I once dated a guy who told me about a threesome fantasy he had, and could we make it happen? We discussed the dynamics and what we would get out of it and agreed that we would look for a single bisexual girl online. The following week I went over to his place as per usual, and on arrival, he told me another girl was arriving that later that evening.
When I told him this was not what we agreed, he looked dismayed.
What did you expect? I asked him.
‘That you would have sex with her regardless’ he answered.
‘shes Bi too’.
I wondered what the girl had been told? Whether she was aware of my existence or
‘Suprise! here’s my girlfriend that I didn’t tell you about and can she fuck you too?’
That particular relationship didn’t last much longer.
Where To Find Unicorns
The most obvious place is, of course, online. Ask Google and Google shall deliver! There are several established swinger sites for singles and couples. These can be useful, after all, you’re already swingers, so you dont have to have that conversation, plus you can list your kinks and limits on your profile so there’s a good chance you will find a unicorn who has similar desires. However, online dating and online swinger dating can be intense. Although I enjoy getting messages from genuine couples and other women, there are a lot of fake profiles and individuals out there who harass single women. It can be daunting to open your inbox for fear of how many inappropriate messages lie in wait. Understandably, this can be very off-putting for single people, women especially, so meeting a unicorn via a swinger site can take some time!
Regular Dating Apps
When I was single, I downloaded a few apps, not intending to meet swinger couples, but over time I found them to be quite useful.
There is, of course, a good reason why Tinder is associated with hooking up and casual sex, so I wouldn’t recommend it for swingers. However, Bumble provided me with several swinger couples and single girls looking to play. If you are in a couple and looking to meet others, then making a profile together and having complete transparency is vital with dating apps.
Swinger clubs welcome single female swingers with open arms. Unicorns are considered to be hot property in swinger clubs, and there’s a reason the entrance fee for many single girls is greatly reduced. I have found that some swinger couples are keen to play with unicorns in clubs, whereas others won’t entertain the idea; some couples are looking for a straight swap, so a single girl isn’t going to fit the bill.
Some specific clubs and events cater for unicorns, such as killing kittens, but you will only be able to attend if you are a couple or a single girl yourself.
Yes, there have been times I’ve been out and chatted up women and gotten their numbers.
I think the fantasy of taking a woman home is quite popular amongst couples. Your out for an evening, you both see a single girl, you chat her up, she says yes, you kiss her, he kisses her…
It sounds sexy, and it is! But in reality, these scenarios are far from ideal. Chances are if a single girl is out on a Saturday night, then she’s probably looking to meet, or at least be approached by a single man, not a couple. Meeting a unicorn, discussing limits, ideas and fantasies all take time and patience. After you have all had a few too many drinks at 11.30 pm on a Saturday night is not the time I would recommend.
Building up a connection with single girls
Being a single female swinger is a lot of fun. Trust me! However, making the transition from being part of a swinger couple to being a unicorn was one that took quite a while. Initially, I found the prospect of single swinging quite daunting. Whereas previously I would meet a couple or single person with my partner, and discuss any potential play together, I now had to meet couples alone and come to my own conclusions.
I found it quite a turn off when the conversation turned too heavy too soon, either in person or via what’s app group chat.
When considering couples to play with, I insisted on meeting for a few vanilla dates before any play so a good connection could be established.
If you want to approach a single woman, either online or in-person at a club, then my advice would be not to bombard them with messages, requests or full-on explicit talk. Yes, it’s nice to chat and flirt, but being OTT is a turn-off! Building up trust, good rapport and honesty are vital. Chances are a single woman is getting dozens of messages a day, especially if you meet her on a dating app. Dont be another guy or couple asking to ‘hook up’. Take time to ask her about her likes and dislikes, what she enjoys, and the type of people she would like to meet.
I have been approached many times by couples who are into BDSM and are looking for another single girl to join them. This is something I have enjoyed. However, I have always been extremely fussy as to who I have played with. Sadly there are some couples out there who treat single ‘sub’ girls ( yes, I have been a sub in the past) as a plaything and fail to build up any emotional connection.
Top Tips For Playing With Single Female Swingers
- Not all single female swingers identify as Bisexual. You should never presume a woman is Bi just because she’s a swinger. I only play with unicorns who do identify as Bi, its a turn off when a woman says she’s bi but when it comes down to it, isn’t keen.
- Discuss limits, expectations and desires well in advance. This is why I like to have a few vanilla dates with single girls if I meet them online. If chatting to them in a swingers club, then you can still discuss your limits and what they like and dislike before any play takes place.
- Dont be offended if a unicorn doesn’t want to meet again after an initial vanilla date. Swinging as a single person can be a scary prospect, and perhaps they felt the connection wasn’t quite right.
- Always have total transparency in all communication. I am a big fan of a group chat on whats app where you all discuss ideas and get to know one another, without anyone feeling left out.
- Women approaching Women is sometimes a good idea when you are considering how to find single female unicorns for swinging; even if the women aren’t Bisexual, very often its nice to chat with other women about swinging and the lifestyle.
- Respect a unicorns vanilla life and understand that she probably has a lot of dates/ meets/ things to do ( or at least I did when I was single) and won’t always be readily available.
Golden Rules for swinging with unicorns
Always play by the following rules when swinging with unicorns…
- Never be pushy or coercive. This goes for all swinging situations, but never push a single woman into doing anything she may not enjoy. It takes guts to go it alone, so respect her boundaries!
- Never lavish too much attention on one person; whether the unicorn or your partner as others can quite easily feel left out! I know it can be hard sometimes, but inclusive play is always best.
- Honest conversation is key! If you meet for a vanilla date, and you are not feeling it, or get the impression she isn’t too keen then say so! Go with your gut instincts and be honest about how you feel.
- Always play safely! Again this is a rule that applies to all types of play. Just because its another woman, it doesn’t mean you should be any more relaxed about not using protection.
- Discuss limits and safewords before you start playing. Very often a single woman can feel quite vulnerable playing with established couples, especially in the couples home, so always discuss limits and safewords before any play.
- Generally, if you are meeting a unicorn in a bar or coffee shop for a vanilla date, then its quite acceptable for the couple to pay. If you then decide to meet again in private, you can discuss paying between you if you choose to stay in a hotel.
- Dont be surprised if a unicorn refuses to meet in private at yours/ theirs home. I, for one, have been asked many times to attend couples home, and it’s a daunting prospect! I have always prefered somewhere neutral.