How to Start Swinging

You won’t know unless you ask…

First up, the fact that you are reading this is already a good sign. You are on your way to becoming sexy, savvy, swingers! So, How to Start Swinging? Grab your partner and read this together, so the knowledge of what you are about to learn is shared between you both.

Alternatively, copy this site and share it with them or share with them on Instagram. However you do it, you gotta be in this together!  Of course, you can be a single person and want to get involved, in which case the thought process is equally as important, so listen up. It can be equally as daunting for a single person, but again, the same advice applies.

It’s really important to remember that swinging isn’t just something that middle-aged married couples do to keep the fire burning. Over the years I have met all kinds of people, with different sexual identities, fetishes, sexualities, ages and ideas about how they like to get down. The world is a wonderfully colourful place and swinging is something that can be enjoyed by all. All you need to bring to the table is an open mind. Which I’m already guessing you possess seen as you are reading a blog about alternative sex and How to Start Swinging.  

Honesty is the Best Policy

So maybe you have had a threesome, or are bisexual, or perhaps your partner is? Or maybe you are none of these are just curious? Whatever the situation, there’s only one way to go. Honesty is the best policy. As soon as the swinging question is raised, immediately, you become come flooded with worries, doubts and concerns. But do not worry. This is completely normal. Don’t punish your partner for not clapping their hands together enthusiastically, it’s a big step. These kind of conversations are difficult to have and once you have had it, you’ve don’t hardest part.

Now let me explain something about human behaviour and the brain, listen up, this is interesting; when we ‘pair bond’ marriage, long term, exclusive, cohabit etc… we are in love (ideally if you’re in a committed relationship being in love is best before you start swinging, (if you’re not then I suggest you get in love first!) and when we are in love, a specific group of chemicals and circuits are working in areas of our brain to keep us in love. Ie: pair bonded and with the potential to reproduce.

Love can be put under a microscope!

Love is triggered by a combination of brain chemicals, including dopamine, oxytocin, testosterone, oestrogen and norepinephrine and we, as humans become addicted to these chemicals. Our brains want us to stay in love in order to procreate (thus carry out what we were destined for) so it gives us huge amounts of these chemicals to ensure this happens.

So, what’s this got do with swinging you ask? Well, seeing as we are so addicted and attached to our ‘chemical maker’ (partner) the mere thought of them retracting those chemicals is enough to send your brain to meltdown. Suddenly you become anxious, worried, scared, you respond in the only way that comes naturally. You cling to them and thus, quash all thoughts of sharing your partner with another person. You are suddenly afraid… ‘If they have sex with someone else, they might leave me for someone else? What if he gives his love away?! I’m not doing that you think, it’s far too risky. I’ll keep my chemical romance just the way it is thank you very much.’

Crazy In Love

Now, going back to what I said about being in love being the best place to start. Once we are emotionally invested in someone, and they in us, (hopefully in equal amounts) you come from a place of trust, honesty and mutual respect. Responding to the idea of swinging in an anxious way is completely 100% normal. Does it mean you can’t explore this lifestyle? No! does it mean your clingy and obsessive? No! What it does mean, is that your human and you have found a good thing in your partner! Of course, you want to hold on tight! This person is a catch!  Accepting these feelings is the first step.

An emotional connection is vital.

So how do we move on from the anxious feelings? When we are emotionally invested in a person, chances are we share their values, we respect them, we share our hopes, our dreams our fears. We let that person see us at our best and our worst. They accept those weird habits you have, embrace you in all your drunken glory and tease you about the time you farted in the car! This, for me, is what being in a relationship is. Having a truly emotional connection. This person has your back, no matter what the fuck is happening. They got you.

With them, you have an intimate sexual connection. You do that thing which would be too risky to do with a couple at a party or someone you don’t know too well. Sex is incredibly important in a relationship, and intimate sex is separate from swinging sex. In order to swing successfully, separate the love and emotional, intimate attachment from swinging sex and you have a winning formula.

Meet Sarah and Bob…

Sarah and Bob have been together for three years, they live together, have great intimate sex, and enjoy their life of exotic holidays, good restaurants and expensive bottles of wine. They both love keeping fit, are successful in their careers, they know everything about one another. They are wrapped up in one another’s worlds, they have pet names, they have seen each other at their worst, cared for one another when they are sick/ drunk/ hysterical. They are a strong couple. 

Sarah and Bob know each other inside and out. They are intimate, open and honest. When they attend a swingers party, Sarah knows that although Bob may be having sex with another woman, let’s call her Sharon, this sex is simply an added extra in their already incredibly intimate life. Sarah is having sex with Paul, who again, is a great added bonus, but works as an accountant, which Sarah would find tiresome to listen to day after day!  Paul is married to Sharon, they have 2 kids and in no way would Sarah trade places with Sharon.  Is Sarah going to leave the party with Paul? No! is Bob going to leave the party with Sharon?  No? Why? Because they are not emotionally invested in Paul and Sharon! They are simply enjoying the sexy experience with them!

See why being in love is a great place to start? Being in love secures the bonds that I believe are imperative to being a savvy swinging couple. Would Sharon be interested in Bob’s passion for collecting orchids? No, would Sarah? Hell yea! She loves orchids! When you separate the swinging sex from the real emotional connection and the really intimate sexy acts you do with one another, ( sometimes not safe to do without protection!)  all of a sudden you are on your first step to becoming a savvy swinger!

Swinging as a Single Person

If you’re a single person, then chances are you may too have the same concerns, ‘what if someone in the couple has an issue with me?’ What if they think I’m going to run on off with their husband/ wife?’ Make it clear before anything intimate has happened, your very comfortable in your life right now, you’re not after a relationship and are simply looking to gain new sexual experiences,  you enjoy meeting open-minded individuals and want to explore in a safe and comfortable way. 

Your personal life is something you’d rather keep separate, thanks. This sends a clear message. It says. ‘I’m kinky and have my shit together, I don’t need anyone else, I’m independent. My personal life is private and I intend to keep it that way’

So have the conversation, be honest, be open and if you need any advice, get in touch! I’m incredibly happy to help! Chances are once you have decided to dip your toe in, more and more questions will come flooding in. But luckily, that’s where I come in to help you become a sexy, savvy, swinger!

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