Is Swinging Healthy For A Relationship?
Is Swinging Healthy For A Relationship?This subject is one that I’ve wanted to write about for quite a while. It’s a question that is asked a lot. And for a good reason, after all, you dont want to introduce swinging into your relationship if it’s not going to benefit your marriage. But what are the benefits? What makes people want to swing and swap, and keep swinging and swapping? Do all people play by the rules when having threesomes, and what happens if they dont? Is it all sexy stockings and double dates or are there downsides of swinging?
As ever I have all the answers. So, let’s ask Is Swinging Healthy For A Relationship?
What Is Swinging?
I heard a phrase recently describing swinging that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside ‘ethical non-monogamy’. This sums up being involved in the lifestyle entirely! Swingers have sex with other people, whilst still retaining all the emotional attachment and deep bonds with their chosen partner. Sexual intimacy can be in the same room or different rooms, but always with each another’s consent. Research suggests that swinging leads to happier marriages and better life satisfaction. It is easy to see why! If you choose to be part of the lifestyle, then chances are the connection between you and your partner will deepen over time. Through opening your relationship up, you become closer! If both partners are in agreement that you both want to meet and engage with men and women for sexual friendships and experiences then I feel this should be embraced and enjoyed! Choosing potential partners to start exploring with is all part of the excitement!
Why Do People Swing?
The reason as to why a couple decides to swing can be a combination of things. But usually, is rooted in the fact that they have all the emotional attachment they desire in their chosen partner and are looking to explore sexual intimacy with them, and other people, whilst remaining emotionally exclusive to one another.
Some individuals may want to explore their bisexual sides, and when they are in a relationship with a person who is accepting of this, (as I hope they are), swinging can provide a healthy outlet for their desires. Being Bisexual isn’t something that can be turned off and on; it’s part of someone’s DNA, what’s inside them, and suppressing it can make a person very unhappy indeed.
Some couples are voyeurs or exhibitionists, and attending swinging clubs is a great way to enjoy this kink. In contrast to this, some people wish to have regular, straight sex with others, no kinky business!
These reasons are all varied, but all share a common belief. Emotional exclusivity is shared only between the couple. It doesn’t matter who they play with and what they do; the extramarital fun can never be a replacement for the emotional attachment they feel for one another. The relationship always comes first, as, without the relationship, there’s no swinging.
Psychological Effects Of Swinging
When we are asking Is Swinging Healthy For A Relationship? we need to discuss the psychological effects of swinging. It’s not just the physical aspect to your relationship that gets a revamp, swinging paves the way for a whole new level of emotional intimacy. When you start sharing your desires with your partner, which can be daunting at first, you develop deep trust and understanding. Being open and honest about what you would like takes courage, and having one person with whom you can share these desires with is truly special. Even if they aren’t on the same page, or dont enjoy what you enjoy (there are a lot more Bisexual women than men) they can still go with you on the journey to facilitate these fantasies, and vice versa. Together you will share and discover your kinks, desires and passions.
Reconnecting after swinging allows for you both to reflect and consider how you are feeling. This can be after chatting to couples online, having a swinger first date or playing with couples in a club. Through reconnecting, you can discuss how the situations made you feel, what emotions arose and what aspects you didn’t enjoy.
When you are involved in sensual scenarios with your partner, this can heighten the attraction and affection between you. For me, when I know another person finds my partner attractive, I enjoy it. I know he’s a desirable catch and seeing others lust after him, for me, is a turn on. Compersion is the complete opposite of jealousy and envy. It’s the feeling of experiencing joy when your loved one has a positive sexual experience, regardless of whether you are directly involved or not. In many ways, compersion is a form of empathy. Not all couples experience compersion, and it was something I didn’t know existed until I became a more educated swinger. But it does, and it is a fantastic feeling to experience!
What Are The Benefits To Swinging?
Improved communication– as you will of learnt, the best swinger relationships and situations are based on clear communication from all parties. It would be best if you discussed what you want and dont want from the start, to ensure you all play safely and get what you want out of swinging. In time, this leads to improved communication in your own relationship as you become comfortable talking about sexual desires with your partner.
Respect– Knowing one another’s limits and boundaries is crucial if you want to enjoy swinging as a rock-solid couple. No one should ever be coerced into doing anything they don’t want to do, and both parties should share in mutual enjoyment. Respecting one another’s wishes when playing with other people is so important. Through swinging, you can establish what is ok, and what’s not when having sex. Whats a turn on and turn off. You should only ever move at the pace of the least most experienced person.
Better Sex Life– It is no surprise that your sex life gets a revamp when you start swinging! The more you learn and discover, the more you develop your own ideas about what makes sex great. Going to swingers clubs and parties probably means you’re going to devote some time and attention to looking your best. You may find that you have a new love for PVC or thigh-high boots? Perhaps your partner will suddenly discover he gets turned on when you use a strap-on on him? The possibilities are endless! I suggest you check out what to wear for swinging then head to some great sex shops and become inspired! There are always brand new innovative products to browse! From toys that are designed for couples and group play to fetish wear and BDSM equipment.
You may discover that by attending parties, you have voyeuristic tendencies and both get turned on by watching others around you having sex.
If you don’t explore you may never find out! And where’s the fun in that?
All Your Needs and Desires Are Met– One reason I chose to start swinging was that my bisexual desires still need to be met. I love being in a relationship with a man, but I still want to have sex with women! I can’t turn off being Bi, I’ve tried, and it doesn’t work. Through swinging, I get to have all the emotional attachment I desire with S, while still being able to enjoy the Bisexual side to my character. I don’t identify as Lesbian, so being in a relationship full time with a woman doesn’t appeal; however, I do enjoy their company, their bodies and having sex with them. I’ve dated women in the past, but when it comes to long term, I want security with a man and the freedom to express my self with a woman.
The Downsides of Swinging
We can’t discuss ‘Is Swinging Healthy For A Relationship?’ without talking about the downsides of swinging. Yes, there are a few ‘dangers’ that need addressing before you jump into bed!
Jealous feelings– Feeling jealous is completely normal. In fact, it is a healthy, natural emotion to feel. But when you’re overly jealous and don’t communicate your feelings to your partner, you’re going to experience some resentment towards them or the lifestyle eventually. Sometimes the rational part of our brains become overridden with toxic thoughts, and before we know it, we are consumed by jealous, envious thoughts. Don’t let this happen. Communicate your fears and work together as a couple to move forward.
Swingers Can Be Flakey– You can quickly become disillusioned with swinging and the lifestyle if you are stood up, let down and messed around. Sadly not all swingers are serious, and some people like to talk about the fantasy of swinging, without ever actually meeting up and playing. This can lead to frustration. It is understandable too. Building up a good rapport takes time, and when another couple leads you on, it is an annoying waste of your valuable swinging time! Sometimes finding genuine couples can be a bit tiresome, and I have lost count of the number of times I have been contacted by fake swingers!
Sti’s and Stds– of course, there are health concerns when it comes to swinging. Any form of sexual intimacy comes with risk, even if you practice safe sex. It would be best if you always used protection. I dont recommend any form of sexual contact without the use of condoms or female condoms. Getting tested regularly is all part of the swinging lifestyle, and some clubs do ask for proof that you have got a clean bill of health before you attend. You can order self-testing kits online from SHL. They are delivered to your address discreetly, you then complete them and post them back. The results are texted to you a few days later. I have used this method in the past, and it’s so convenient!
Yes, swinging can be risky, but it doesn’t have to be. Always communicate your limits to other couples you wish to play with and stick to soft limits if your feeling nervous. Getting tested regularly and making it part of your lifestyle routine is just good housekeeping!Follow me on social media