Life After Swinging
Life After Swinging. Being involved in the lifestyle certainly has its perks. The juicy add ons that no one told you about. The little bonus’s that reconfirm that your decision to start swinging was the right one. You know what I’m talking about; The secret world you create within your existing relationship, where you experience compersion, honesty and total trust. The intimate environment where you revel in complete acceptance from your partner, husband or wife; they love you, know you, understand you and embrace you in all your swinging glory.
The perks of the lifestyle dont stop there! We haven’t even started on the regular stuff! The sex, the intimacy, the shared fantasies, the closeness, the fulfillment, the pleasure. But, if swinging is all peachy perfect and happy all the time, how come I’m writing a post on life after swinging?
Well, it’s not. Sometimes we all need a break. Time out can last a week, a month or even a year. Occasionally, we all have to take a step sideways and refocus our energy.
Making new sexual friends, swapping and going to meet couples in clubs can all be a lot of amazing fun, but at times we need to walk away from it for a while to get in touch with who we are as individuals.
The Downsides Of Swinging
We lead busy, hectic lives and within these busy, hectic lives we are thinly spread. Desperately we try to address all the areas of life that require our time and energy. Sometimes our commitments vs the time we can give these commitments don’t add up, and we have to prioritise. There can be several factors that have us continuously running from one thing to the next, stuffing a sandwich in sideways as we do.
Children, work, family, vanilla social circles. These can all take up large amounts of our time and energy. Trying to squeeze the swinging lifestyle into the mix can seem almost impossible at times.
Although swinging is fantastic, there are times that we are unable to handle the emotional and physical aspects of it. If we experience unhappy jealous situations, we can be left feeling unsure how to deal with the feelings that arise. If you are in a relationship, the first and most crucial step is to discuss how you are feeling with your partner.
Do you need a break from swinging? Or help to make time to swing? Is the reason you want to have a break to do with other commitments, or are you not enjoying being in the lifestyle? Communicating how you are feeling is essential. If your a single person then taking some time out and perhaps making yourself unreachable on dating apps can be a positive step if you are feeling overwhelmed.
Perhaps you have been enjoying swinging, but feel there are other intimate things you want to enjoy? Maybe through swinging, you have discovered new kinks and fetishes and wish to explore these with your partner, whilst you both become comfortable with them.
How to Talk To Your Partner About Stopping Swinging
Deciding to start swinging is a big step. It takes a great deal of trust and honesty to open up your relationship. Similarly, deciding to stop swinging can also be a difficult conversation to have, especially if its something you suspect your partner isn’t aware of. We are not mind readers; at times, I feel people expect their partners to know exactly how they are feeling. They dont. You need to communicate your emotions, not just presume that they understand or feel the same way.
For swinging to be healthy for your relationship, you both need to be enjoying it. If one of you isn’t, then you need to talk about why that is, and what you can do together as a couple to find a solution? It might be that you feel you dont have enough time to commit to the swinging lifestyle fully and would like to put it on hold for a while whilst you focus on other areas of your lives. Or it may be that you feel your relationship has lost its intimacy as you are attending swinging parties every weekend and you want to distance yourself from the scene for a while whilst you focus on your own relationship.
Swinging should complement an already existing excellent sex life; it should enhance, encourage and strengthen the intimate bonds between you. Swinging should never override or replace the sex and intimacy in your relationship.
Addressing the needs of both parties within the relationship is the next step. Swinging is a popular alternative to monogamy for a reason; it also allows us to explore parts of our character and sexuality that often remain tucked away, only to be unleashed within the confines of a swingers club.
I’m not saying that if you stop swinging, you will suddenly be unable to cope with monogamy, but I enjoy swinging because I identify as Bisexual. If I were to suddenly stop enjoying the lifestyle and exploring that side to my sexuality, I’d become frustrated. Taking away the act of swinging, or having an open relationship doesn’t take away the humanistic desires. They still exist. However, compromise and working together to find a solution that suits both parties is the best option.
Reasons Why People Stop Swinging
Some couples participate in the lifestyle once or twice a year; others swing every weekend, without fail. We are all different in how often we enjoy the lifestyle, and in what capacity we enjoy it. Stopping or taking a break from swinging can come about for a variety of different reasons.
- Pregnancy- I’m sure there are women out there who do swing while pregnant, and if you choose to then that’s fine by me, but I’m pretty sure the majority of female swingers take a break whilst pregnant. Plus, pregnancy combined with morning sickness and psychological changes, there’s a good chance you might need to take it easy!
- Medical reasons- you need to look after number one! If you’re not well and suffering from either physical or mental health issues, then you may feel like taking a break from swinging. Your health and wellness may well affect your body image and self-esteem, and sometimes taking some time out is what’s needed to get you back on track.
- Rules– when you swing, you always need to play by the rules, yours, and your partners. When rules are broken, for whatever reason, its advisable to stop swinging for a while whilst trust is reestablished. If boundaries that you have set out are crossed, then taking time away from the scene is vital to discuss how and if, you want to move forward.
- Life changes- work commitments, family life, financial constraints, these are all important factors in our lives that require our time and attention. Career changes and trying to balance family life is hard enough without adding swinging into the mix. You dont have to put swinging on hold permanently, but maybe put it on a back burner until you feel able to give it the time it deserves. It can be expensive too, especially if you pay for a hotel, club tickets and transport; you can soon spend a few £100s on one night. If you dont have that expendable cash, or you need it for other things, then it may be advisable to give swinging a miss whilst you get your finances on track.
- Lack of availability- it can be very frustrating when your working all the time and feel you are missing out on all the swinger parties due to work responsibilities. I used to work pretty much every weekend, and getting a Saturday night off was difficult. Sometimes I felt reluctant to sign up to swinger sites and chat to couples as I knew that meeting them and making plans around my work schedule was tricky. It was easier to attend swinger parties on a less frequent basis but set aside dedicated time for them.
- Suppose you have been swinging too much! Sometimes swingers suffer from burn out. Going to clubs every weekend, parties and events, meeting new couples, having sex and chatting on what’s app groups can become exhausting. If you are continuously seeking out new couples, going to swinger clubs and talking 24/7 about sex, then chances are the magic is going to be lost. Make time for you and your partner, go somewhere, just the two of you. Spend time reconnecting and enjoying other pursuits. Swinging is great fun, but not the only fun you can have together.
- Bad swinger experiences- there have been times in the past I’ve been put off swinging by the behaviour of others in the lifestyle. Bad swinger dates, flakey swingers, couples with too much drama, sadly you will experience some negativity at some point. Not everyone is a conscientious swinger couple. Dont let them put you off though, most swingers are great!
- Mental health– Sometimes, you’re just not feeling it. Perhaps whatever is effecting you has nothing to do with swinging and intimacy, or maybe it does. Whatever is causing you to feel not your best self needs addressing and taking some time away from swinging ( which can be very intimate and emotional at times) is a good idea whilst you reconnect with yourself. I’d much rather swing when im feeling 100% myself and not running on 75% me.