Personal Rules When Swinging
Personal Rules When Swinging are vital! It would be best if you didn’t start swinging until you have decided what’s hot and what’s not. Whether you are a single swinger or part of a couple, you need to draw up a list of boundaries and rules to follow. Chances are your personal rules when swinging will change over time as you experience different sexual scenarios and encounter other swingers. Before we start discussing different personal rules when swinging, we need to talk about the rules of swinging.
What Are The Rules Of Swinging?
Although the personal rules you decide upon are unique to you, some rules are followed throughout the lifestyle as a whole. These guidelines are generally accepted as protocol and are followed in most swinger scenarios. Here are my top 10 Rules of swinging:
- If you want to play with others, and get down and dirty, then making sure you’re squeaky clean is a must! You don’t have to shave off all your pubic hair, but have some consideration toward other swingers! Always be freshly showered and clean; the smell of fresh soap is lovely! Some parties have showers so that you can freshen up during the night if things become a little messy.
- Always have condoms and lube, even if you dont immediately plan on playing, you may feel relaxed and want to engage in some soft swap play? Using condoms and getting in the habit of using them is good practice. A small bottle of lube or baby oil is also handy and great for swingers with soft limits. If you’re only comfortable with foreplay, make it count!
- Dont be that Swinger couple who are known for bringing the drama! It is so unappealing when a swinger couple argue! If you feel like you want to stop play and discuss things, that’s fine, but remove yourselves from the action and talk it through, away from others. You should never decide to change the rules halfway through having sex with another couple and expect it to be okay!
- Drink! Most clubs have bars or a BYOB policy, and it can be tempting to have a few to calm your nerves. I know that alcohol provides a little lubrication for the conversation, but don’t have too much to drink!
- Never make assumptions about what others may or may not enjoy. Most women that I have met in swinger situations have been bisexual, but they may not always be. Never presume a couple is okay with a full swap, always ask and establish their boundaries first.
- Always, always ask for consent first. Whether you’re in a full-on orgy situation or having soft swap play with a couple in private, always ask. Never touch someone without being invited.
- Use a safeword. Whether you are in a couple or playing as a single person, establishing a safeword is a good idea, especially when you have harder limits. Make sure those your playing with know your safeword and don’t be afraid to use it. When I was a single swinger, I found it useful to have a safeword when meeting couples for BDSM play.
- Where is it acceptable for you to come? Some people are okay with it being inside them and in a condom, whereas other people don’t like to take the risk. You should always ask first, and tell those you are playing with where it is okay for them to come too. I know its a strange one, but safe sex should always be your priority.
- Reconnecting after swinging is essential. Whether you are a couple or a single swinger, take time out to explore your emotions, think about what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. Recognise how your body responded to the situations you experienced.
- You should never body shame or sex shame other swingers! We are all unique! No one should ever make you feel uncomfortable due to your gender, body type or sexuality or sexual preference. Don’t criticise or talk negatively about those around you!
Deciding Personal Rules When Swinging
The personal rules you decide to follow when swinging are unique to you. Even if you are in a couple, you will have rules and boundaries that you have drawn up as an individual within your relationship.
For example, one half of a couple may not be comfortable with full-on kissing when playing with other people. They may not allow others to kiss them deeply, and therefore don’t expect their partner to kiss other people in this way either. However, the other person may not view kissing in this light, so a compromise may be reached where you both kiss other swingers on the lips, but not with tongues.
It is vital that you only move at a pace the least experienced person feels comfortable with. If you are playing with another couple, and anal is sex fine for you, but a no go for them, then respect their wishes and only have anal with your partner.
So what are the personal rules when swinging? Let’s find out…
So I just spoke about kissing, and it’s relatively common for couples to not engage in deep passionate kissing with other swingers. Some do, and this is fine, but for most its seen as something sacred, private and exclusive between them. If you are a single person and playing with a couple who don’t allow this, then respect their wishes.
Don’t Just ‘Go Along’ With It.
Taking one for the team, going along with it, getting stuck in. Don’t be tempted to get down and dirty just because others are! If you are not feeling a situation, then speak up, or remove yourself from it. Never be coerced into having sex, or engaging in any play you dont particularly want just to keep someone sweet or because everyone else is. You know what you like, so why compromise to the point of un-enjoyment.
Same Room or Separate Room Play?
From experience, most swinger couples I have met have engaged in same room play, and those who have more of an ‘open’ relationship have been comfortable in engaging in both same room and separate room play. Discuss what you are happy with when attending parties and clubs. Some larger clubs have designated ‘private rooms’ whereas others simply have big orgy beds. When I was single, I did meet with a couple who liked to have separate room play, (he had me tied up in one room, and his wife in another) and I enjoyed this.
Full Swap or Soft Swap?
Not all swingers are comfortable with a full swap scenario. Some are working towards it gradually, and others only want to engage in soft play when swinging. This can be for a variety of reasons. Very often, a soft swap is a lot safer than full swap, and some couples like to save penetrative sex to be enjoyed together. Although I engage in full swap play, I also play with soft swap couples, and singles as this too can be enjoyable.
Some swingers have anal sex and some don’t. Anal sex deserves time and preparation, especially if you are new to it. The idea of engaging in anal sex, in a swingers club is a step too far for me, but I am happy to have it in a more private, intimate setting. There are of course risks involved, and it may be that you do have anal but only with your trusted partner.
Long Term Swinger Friends? Or Short and Sweet?
Some swingers only meet couples in clubs and play for that night and that night only. In contrast, other swingers form deeper friendships and swing off an on together for years. Both have their pros and cons, and some people view short term ‘hook up’ meets as too risky, and won’t engage in play with couples who do enjoy this. At the same time, some couples may find having swinger ‘friendships’ too intrusive and prefer the ‘hooking up’ casual aspect.
How Do You Wish To Communicate?
Communication is a topic that deserves some careful consideration, as I’m talking about more than what messager app to use.
How you present yourselves online and in communication is vital when swinging and arranging to meet other couples. Do you insist that all communication is done together, or are you happy to let one person do the talking on your behalf? Some swingers only play with couples where they are both evident in the conversation, and both have access to the swinger profile online. Do you wish to have a what’s app group set up for you all to chat in? Or are you happy to text or message without a group being made? It would be best if you established what you are and aren’t satisfied with. I find it a lot easier to establish trust when I know I’m talking to both parties. A video call can be great for this!
Condoms and safe sex need to be discussed. Some people always insist on using condoms when engaging in both soft and more intimate play. In contrast, some couples only use condoms when engaging in full swap penetrative sex. If your okay with a guy orgasming in you, then I strongly suggest using condoms and lube to ensure it stays where its meant to stay! I know that condoms aren’t always the nicest things in the world, but they are essential if you want to remain safe and healthy! Using plenty of lubricant will help to prevent any rips and tears.
Do You Want To Play With Single Swingers?
Some couples look exclusively for unicorns (female swingers), and some look predominantly for single male swingers to join in with them. Some couples would never dream of inviting a single swinger into the mix and keep it strictly couples only. Talk about what you want to get out of swinging with a single person, and always bear in mind that not all singles like to ‘hook up’ with couples.
Online vs Meet In A Club?
How do you want to meet swingers? It can be daunting to attend a swingers club, especially if you are swinger newbies. Chatting to other people online whilst you familiarise yourself with the lifestyle can be helpful as an introduction. However, If you don’t wish to spend time talking online (perhaps you simply don’t have time) you may prefer meeting at a club. As with most things swinger, I suggest taking the time to get familiar with the lifestyle so I would recommend you chat online, but you don’t have to!
Do You Have A Codeword?
Safewords or codewords are usually associated with BDSM style relationships and scenarios, but they can also be useful when meeting swingers and chatting to them. Situations may arise when you wish to excuse yourselves from the conversation or the action politely, and you need to communicate this discreetly to your partner. Having a code word or safeword is a good idea, especially if you are getting hot and heavy, and you need time out. All parties must be comfortable with whatever play is happening.
As you discover more about what turns you on and off, chances are your rules will change. You may discover you love anal sex, and want it as much as possible in clubs, in front of others! Or it may be that you thought you would enjoy rimming another woman, but have found that in reality, it can be difficult to perform safely, and not something you would consider doing with a stranger in a club. Whatever the reason, always communicate your personal rules and boundaries, so you always have a safe, sexy swinging experience!Follow me on social media