Single Men And Swinging 10 Top Tips

Single Men And Swinging 10 Top Tips in this post I will be sharing with you my Do’s and Don’ts for single men in the swinger lifestyle, plus I’ll be sharing with you my golden rules for men wanting to get involved in the swinging action. 

Before you dive into all that however, here are my Top 5 Tips for single male swinger success! 

  1. Be realistic. Don’t expect to have sex with the first couple you meet. Just because you are at the party, that doesn’t automatically guarantee you will have sex! 
  2. Accept rejection gracefully! Rejection is common and it happens to us all I’m afraid! 
  3. Take time to create proper swingers dating profile. 
  4. Be well prepared. Take your own condoms and lube. 
  5. Be confident! Easier said than done I know, but the sexiest swingers are not the ones with the six-pack abs but the ones with natural charisma and charm!

Phew! That’s a lot of information, and there’s more coming up! So, if you are sitting comfortably, I shall begin! 

What To Know About Swinging For Single Men

Do your research first! Before you sign up to a swinger dating site or apply for a swinger club membership or message a couple, decide what you want to get out of swinging. If your answer is simply ‘to have sex’ then I’m afraid joining the swinger lifestyle is a very long-winded approach to getting some action! To fully appreciate what swinging and real swinger couples are like, I suggest you head over to YouTube and check out openlove 101. John and Jackie Melfi have extensive experience of playing with single guys, and their videos are very informative! 

There are many different ways that single guys can get involved in the swinger lifestyle, and for you to be a successful swinger, you have to know what you can offer a prospective couple or single swinger. 

Be Prepared To Work Hard

Do be prepared to jump through some hoops! If you want to experience some of the best swinger clubs and lifestyle community events, you have to put in both time and effort. Single men can attend parties and clubs but on a very strict basis. You should be prepared to meet the host well in advance, apply for membership and payout for a ticket. Some clubs and events might not be as strict as others about entry but always bear in mind that the more you pay, chances are the more exclusive the clientele, and more extensive the types of swinger action you will experience. 

For example, some clubs offer tickets to single guys for around £50 and the tickets themselves are not that hard to come by. However, with the price being relatively low, a lot more guys will go, and when there are too many straight single guys, the chances of being able to play with any couples or singles reduces dramatically. Whereas if you are willing to invest a little more time, effort and cash into swinging, you will be able to experience upmarket and exclusive events. Here, you will be surrounded by a lot more couples and single, in more luxurious, specialised surroundings, yes there will still be other single guys in attendance, but not nearly as many as you might encounter in the other clubs. 

Don’t Be A Lurker

There have been occasions I have been at a party and seen single men lurking outside private playrooms or peeping through curtains at the action.This is creepy behavior and any males lurking in the shadows without engaging in the action are usually given a wide birth! Now I fully understand that when I am in a club, I don’t expect all the action to remain private. After all, if I want a completely private swinger meet, then I will arrange a private party at home. I also understand that it’s unrealistic to get your kit off and have sex in a swinger club and be annoyed that people are watching, after all, you can’t have one without the other.

The behaviour I am referring to, however, is when single men go uninvited into a room where the door has been closed and stand and watch the action, sometimes reaching out to touch the participants, without any prior communication. This behaviour is a no-no! If you are wanting to watch the activity, head to a club where they have orgys, as most orgy beds are in wide-open spaces, and not in private. 

What To Know About Swinger Clubs

Do Be Choosy! Most swinger clubs have a range of facilities depending on the types of customers they attract. From saunas to sex swings, I have seen it all! You will find that clubs have both private play areas and orgy beds. It’s imperative to remember that most swingers you will meet in clubs are couples who are seeking out other couples to play with. If you want to be part of the swinger scene, then finding clubs that are suitable for your needs is an excellent place to start. Some clubs have events on certain nights that cater to single guys and couples that enjoy playing with them. 

Enjoy Safe Sex 

Don’t turn up underprepared! I don’t have to tell you that safe sex is a must, but what I will say is always take condoms and water-based lube with you. Using lube along with condoms makes good sense, not only does it make sex feel a lot better, but also it minimises the risk of any rips or tears. Having a small bottle of lube and a packet of condoms to hand shows you are a serious, safe sex practising swinger. Check out Lust for their range of safe sex essentials. 

What To Wear For Swinging? 

I received a question from one of my followers who asked me this: 

Hi thiskindagirl, what can men wear to a swingers club, if they don’t feel comfortable in boxer shorts, but don’t want to look too prudish by wearing too much? 

Firstly, thank you for the question. I remember a few years ago I was in a club and I was sat in the lounge area, chatting to a few couples. It was a Saturday evening and the place was starting to get busy, at one point, I excused myself to use the bathroom. On returning to the lounge, which was bathed in soft pink light, I was struck by how similar dressed the men were. All I could see was a sea of white or light blue shirts and dark jeans. As was my partner! The women were all distinctly dressed, and it was easy to see what they liked from their outfits, and each showed individual style. Some women had on PVC dresses, some wore corsets, some had on black lace body stockings, and some were looking super glam in little black dresses and heels (not that I spent time checking them out!). But the men, well, it was hard to tell them all apart. They all kind of blended into a generic style. Sure they looked nice and were well dressed, but none of them looked anything other than ‘nice’. I’d even say that they were bordering on ‘bland’. So, what can single guys do to stand out from the crowd and strike the right balance between safe and sophisticated sexy? 

In no way am I recommending you turn up in something outlandish, but wearing a shirt that isn’t pale blue or white may well be a good start. The first party that S and I attended together, he wore a dark blue shirt with a leaf pattern on it, and you know what? He stood out in a sea of pale shirted men. I have a detailed post on what men should wear for swinging, in it, I cover everything from lotions and potions to personal grooming. 

When I have attended parties that have been in BDSM style dungeons, some guys in attendance have got changed into latex, PVC or leather-look outfits. If you don’t want to wear boxers, but neither do you want to remain fully clothed, this could be a compromise. Check the range of clothing found here on Sexphoria.

Making A Swingers Dating Profile

Dear Thiskindagirl, 

What pictures should I put on my swingers dating profile, shall I put photos of my particular kink or fetish on? 

This question was sent to me by one of my followers on Instagram. 

My advice is this; don’t put anything too explicit or hardcore on your swingers dating profile, regardless of whether you are a single person or not. The most attractive profiles out there are the ones that are sexy, suggestive, but not OTT! Going all out sharing pictures of you swimming in a bath of piss or being flogged until your black and blue are quite extreme for most swingers. Sure, you can enjoy these kinky pictures, but build up a good rapport with other swingers first. You will find that if you strike the right balance between sexy and explicit, you will get much further. 

I’m not saying you shouldn’t share more hardcore pictures with other like-minded swingers, but just remember that other people will form quick opinions based on what they see. I’m not saying you should not be true to what you enjoy but only share it with those who also enjoy it. 

Whilst I’m on the subject of swinger dating profiles, don’t be tempted to include close up’s of your genitalia. You are more than your dick guys! 

What To Write In Your Swinger Dating Profile

Do spend time and attention making a great swinger dating profile. Writing a few lines about how big you are or what you want to do to someone isn’t going to get you many messages. There are thousands of single men out there all with profiles. Make sure yours stands out! I have some great top tips for writing a fantastic swingers dating profile, right here

What To Expect From A Swingers Club?

Don’t go expecting to instantly have sex with the first couple you chat to. One of my followers got in touch with me to share with me his experience of the first time he attended a swingers party. He wrote this;

I had just come out of a 10-year relationship, and my confidence had taken a bit of a blow, I was concerned that no one would like me! But, I wanted to experience consenting, adult fun, so I plucked up the courage and attended a party being held in a swingers club. I was curious to see what it was like. I chatted to the hosts, and to some of the ‘regulars’. We spoke about normal, vanilla life, and it was so refreshing! It wasn’t as scary as I thought! I was surprised when the lady asked me if I wanted to join them and have sex with her, as her husband watched.

 I realise that I was lucky! I had such a positive first time. The experience suited me, I wasn’t looking for anything like a relationship at that point in my life. I know that some men go to clubs with the expectations of easy sex, but that’s no different to going out at the weekend, I guess. 

I was relaxed and myself around them, and as soon as I eased into the conversation, I found that transitioning into having sex with her felt quite natural. I didn’t expect to have sex with anyone that night, so I wasn’t agonising over beforehand or feeling desperate! If you go with an open mind, rather than a view to getting laid, you will enjoy it a lot more. Through swinging, I have enjoyed all kinds of sexual experiences that otherwise, I wouldn’t have explored! 

What Are The Rules Of Swinging For Single Men? 

Although I am sure you will have your own personal rules when swinging; such as always having safe sex, it is also essential that you follow the rules set out by the club or host of the party. Very often clubs have their rules online for you to read. Don’t be tempted to drink too much or take drugs. I know that it can be tempting to have a few drinks to calm your nerves; trust me, I’ve been a single girl at a party, and I know what it’s like to face swinging alone, but don’t overdo it. 

My ULTIMATE Golden Rule For Single Guys  

It is imperative to remember that married swinger couples are a team and to swing with them successfully, they need to be approached as a team. Being respectful to both parties is an absolute must! You can’t expect to play with someone’s wife if you don’t talk to her husband! Building up a good connection and rapport with them both is essential if you want to stand any chance of swinger success! Think what the guy who got in touch with me wrote; 

we spoke about normal, vanilla life, and it was so refreshing! It wasn’t as scary as I thought! I was surprised when the lady asked me if I wanted to join them and have sex with her, as her husband watched.’ 

Because he didn’t dive in with sex talk, and in no way expected to play with them, it was a pleasant surprise when they did offer. 

Another mistake that many single men make is approaching the woman when she is alone. In my experience, this simply does not work. I know it can be daunting for a single guy to approach a couple, but trust me, you will get much further with this method than honing in on a woman when shes making her way to the bathroom! If you want to learn one of my top tips for single men in the lifestyle, head over to my post Single Men In The Swinger Lifestyle. 

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