Single Men In The Swinger Lifestyle 

Single Men In The Swinger Lifestyle before I decided to write this post, I asked my fans and followers for their questions surrounding single men and the swinging lifestyle. The responses I had were fantastic! I had such positive feedback, and some guys shared with me their experiences of visiting swinger clubs so I could gain a real insight into what swinging is like for single guys. I listened to their concerns, fears and doubts. What they have experienced and what difficulties they have faced. 

I wanted to ensure that this article was both helpful and realistic. It’s all very well me writing what I think single guys should or shouldn’t do, or what they might experience, but alas, I am a lady. I am not a single male. 

Rest assured, the topics covered in this article are 100% genuine and from real, regular guys who are either interested in the swinger lifestyle or have some experience. So, as ever, sit back, relax and let me teach you all I know about single men in the swinger lifestyle. 

The Truth About Men In The Swinger Lifestyle

How do I deal with the stigma attached to male swingers? I think many men feel they portray the image of greedy sex seekers. How do I deal with this stigma? 

Firstly, we have to look at what stereotype is being conjured up. After all, why is it that some single men portray the image of greedy sex seekers? Sadly, from my own experiences of parties, I can say that there have been a lot of men who I have encountered who, unfortunately, have fitted this description. The men who lurk in the shadows, waiting, wanking and watching without ever saying a word. If you act like this, then I am afraid you will fall subject to being labelled a creepy horny sex seeker. It’s these men who sadly have given genuine single male swingers a bad rap. And unfortunately, these creepers are all too common!

I know that not all men who swing act like this and they certainly don’t want to be tarnished with the same brush. So how do we change this stereotype? 

You rise above it and demonstrate that yes, your a swinger, yes your a single guy, but no, your not horny and desperate to have sex with everyone. You have standards, and you are willing to jump through a few hoops in order to attend a party. You can hold a great conversation; you’re charismatic you’re fun, you’re flirtatious. You are a real swinger catch, and you would never lurk outside a curtain in a swingers club on the off chance of getting involved because you don’t need to.

When you are met with negative stereotypes, challenge them. If a single guy says to me ‘you think I’m like all the rest? Let me show you I’m different’ I would be instantly intrigued.

If you present yourself from the offset as being a cut above, someone who knows what they want, a man who is secure in his sexuality and is confident; how you are perceived either online or at an event will change dramatically. Don’t let the stigma define you; challenge it. If people expect you to be one way or another, demonstrate to them that you are the exact opposite. 

What Are Couples Looking For In A Single Male Swinger? 

I could write here about how you need to be freshly showered and well dressed. But I’m not going to. Because if you have any sense, which I’m pretty sure you do, you will of realised that already! Instead, I’m going to talk about character traits, safe sex, and what type of guy couples are usually looking for. 

It doesn’t matter about sexual preferences or how you like to play. The same rules apply to all single male swingers. Regardless of whether you are a Dom, a Bull, a Submissive or non of the above! 

Safe sex should always be a priority. Yes, there are couples and singles out there who do enjoy bareback sex, but never make this assumption. Using condoms and having them to hand is just good practice! If you want to be a successful swinger and play with someone’s husband or wife, then always play respectfully and safely! 

It’s imperative to remember serious swinger couples are part of a team and should be approached as one. I have seen guys waiting for an opportunity to approach the woman in private, (often when she is on the way to the bathroom or at the bar) to then suddenly decide that this is the perfect time to then engage in conversation with her. Whilst she is away from the clutches of her husband or boyfriend. Guys, this technique isn’t going to work. Show some respect to both parties and don’t do this! If you want to play with a couple then you have to be prepared to talk to them both, not just the woman. Be respectful, always. Odds are, she will return to her partner only to recall how she was just approached by ‘some guy’. Don’t be that guy!

Swinger couples who have an online profile, and openly advertise for single guys, will be inundated with one line wonders, dick pictures and over-eager requests from horny guys. What you need to do, if you want to approach a couple via a swingers dating site is stand out from the crowd. Read the couples profile thoroughly and ask yourself, what makes them suitable for me, and I for them? 

There’s no point pursuing a Bisexual couple if you are a straight male! Think about what you can offer them and what they can offer you. What can you share and experience together, how are you going to connect with them both? Please write a message to them that demonstrates your ability to converse with ease and talk to both partners.

Instead of diving straight in with sex talk, ask them about what experiences they have had in the lifestyle as a whole? What do they enjoy outside the world of swinging? And how long have they been together as a couple? What can you bring to their swinging lifestyle? What boundaries do they have and what kind of relationship dynamic is present? It’s essential to build up a rapport and establish trust.

All too often, single guys get their approach all wrong, and this lands them with nothing. Likewise, don’t settle for a couple just because they say yes. Are you going to enjoy sex with them? If you are not at all vanilla and they are, then chances are, you probably won’t connect. If they are heavily into cuckolding, and want you to participate, then do some research first as to what that entails, before you are included in any playtime!

 

In a swinger club, the same rules apply. I wrote recently an article titled Can Single Men Visit Swinger Clubs? In this article, I gave my ultimate piece of advice for single guys who want to approach a couple. Because I’m kind, I’ll repeat it here. 

When you see a swinger couple who you like the look of, before you even go and talk to them, you need to shift the focus away from the end result! What do I mean by this? By shifting the direction, you take the pressure off yourself and can relax and engage with a couple naturally. This really works by the way! Stop thinking and overthinking about the outcome, and just enjoy chatting. If you present yourself as an outgoing, chatty, confident person, who doesn’t even mention the word sex, then you will get much further! Why? Because you demonstrate to them you are secure; you are outgoing, you are approachable. If they like you, which I’m sure they will, their minds will already go somewhere more intimate. All you have to do is show them you aren’t like the other guys; you have confidence and charm. And that my friends is very sexy indeed! 

Think this won’t work? I have used this technique myself when approaching women and couples, and you know what. Bingo! 

Beginning Swinging For Single Men

There is a reason that many swinger clubs are fussy about their guest lists and who they give memberships too. The clubs at the higher end of the price range can be very exclusive, and tickets for couples can be hard to come by! If you want to attend a party or event as a single guy then be prepared to 1) pay more for your ticket and 2) jump through a few hoops. You may be expected to submit a detailed membership application along with pictures and proof of ID as well as talking to the host/ event organiser before the event. Some clubs may expect you to first meet with the host or organiser before you even apply. Don’t worry if this all sounds rather daunting. It’s perfectly normal, and the more time and effort you invest in your application, the more chances you stand of being able to attend a party.

The event organisers have to be conscious of who is attending and on what night. If they run three events a week and one of those is open to single guys and couples who enjoy gang bang, then chances are you will be offered a ticket for this. If you are into BDSM and they run a dungeon night for couples and submissive’s, then there might be an opportunity for you to attend this type of event. Club organisers want you to have a great time and will match your needs with what they can offer. Hence the importance of filling out a membership form! 

Going back to what I said earlier about the negative stereotypes of single guys in the swinger lifestyle. Once you have been accepted for a club or event, this doesn’t mean it is then smooth sailing once you get inside. You still have to put in the effort. I think sometimes guys attend parties and wrongly believe the hard work is done. Just because you have paid to attend, it doesn’t automatically mean you will get a slice of the action. That is down to you and how you interact.  

The Downside Of Swinging For Single Men

As ever, there are a few downsides of the swinger lifestyle that have to be discussed for you to be well prepared before you get started! 

Learning how to handle rejection is something that all swingers have to deal with. It doesn’t matter how long you have been swinging for, or what your circumstances are; at some point, you will face rejection from other swingers. I have experienced it as a single girl and as part of a couple, so it’s not unique to single guys! 

There is no point getting upset or frustrated at being rejected; it simply means that the dynamics weren’t right. I would much rather play with other swingers who are completely on board rather than play with those that perhaps weren’t entirely comfortable. By being rejected, it means you can seek out swingers who you are compatible with. Handling it with grace is the best thing you can do. Unfortunately, all too often I see blatant demonstrations of bitter resentment on swinger profiles. Please take a look at How To Write A Great Swinger Dating Profile to see what I mean! 

If you approach a couple in a club, or online and they reject you, that’s fine. Accept it and move on. To avoid rejection, always present yourself in the best possible light, this applies to when you are in a club, or when you are making a membership. If you don’t put in any effort, you can’t expect any results! 

Why Do Single Men Want To Get Involved In the Swinger Lifestyle? 

When I asked my followers to get in touch with me, I received a message from one guy who shared this with me;

I attended a swinger party with an open mind. I wasn’t looking to ‘get laid’. By going to swinger clubs, I have experienced sex and intimacy that I wouldn’t have otherwise e.g. being a Dom and participating in group sex. I think many men attend swinger parties or want to attend swinger parties as they have the assumption that it’s an easy way to get sex, but for me, that’s no different to going on a weekend. 

I have to say, Sir, I wholeheartedly agree!

If you are a single guy and are looking for an easy, cheap way to get sex, then Im afraid swinging is not the answer. If you are serious about being involved in the lifestyle and are wondering why is it you haven’t had much luck, or keep getting rejected ask yourself this; what are you hoping to get out of attending? If you just want to have sex then, believe me, you don’t need to go all the way to a swinger club to get some action. However, if you are curious about group sex, orgies, BDSM, and fetish, then chances are the Swinger Lifestyle is for you. 

If you are prepared to invest both your time and effort into being a serious swinger, then you will find couples and singles that are happy to play with you.

I do hope you have enjoyed this post! Thank you to all the guys who got in touch with me! Thiskindagirl! x

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