Can I swing as a single person? This was a question I asked myself a while ago when I came out of a long term relationship. I had met single men and women before in swinger clubs, and on some occasions, played with them. But was it right for me? What was I hoping to get out of it? And would I be emotionally strong enough to deal with it? Swinging as a single person is not for everyone. Still, I hope that after reading my guide, you will be able to determine to weather flying solo in the swinger world is for you, or not.
Both men and women can be single swingers; however, how they are received in the swinging world is quite different. There’s not an awful lot of room for male swingers and the room there is either quite niche or high in demand. Women, on the other hand, are better received but have to be emotionally healthy to deal with solo swinging.
Men have an advantage over women in this department, as they can have sex without feeling any emotional attachment. It’s not always as easy for women who tend to form emotional bonds with people they have sex with. This doesn’t make them weaker or wrong. It’s just how we are wired up as humans! So let’s have a look at how you can become a successful solo swinger, starting with the boys.
Single Swingers- Single Men
I’m not a man; however, having had many conversations with male swingers both at parties and in regular life, I can give you a pretty good insight into what it’s like. First of all, you need to be aware that gaining access to clubs can be difficult as most are open to couples and single girls only. If you do gain access to a club, then chances are the organiser will want to verify you are who you say you are and that you understand how to behave inside. Unfortunately, some men think that all women inside a swingers club are gagging for it and act inappropriately around couples and single women.
My man on the inside, S told me that before he attended a swinger event hosted by pleasure island parties, he met with the hosts to have an informal chat so they could verify that he was who he said he was! Don’t worry, this is quite standard practice, and if you’re a serious and considerate swinger, you will happily oblige but understand that no promises can be made.
S told me that he was only able to attend the party as the numbers had decreased slightly, even though the hosts were happy for him to attend. Most party organisers like there to be an even ratio of men to women, so having an excess of single men isn’t always in their interest.
It’s not all bad news, though! Some events cater to single men, and if a club is hosting a ‘greedy girls’ night, then chances are single men will be welcome to attend. However, places will be limited, and the cost could well be quite high, so do check out the tickets and availability beforehand. Also, you may have to be verified by the hosts before attending, so don’t just turn up on the off chance you will be let in!
If attending private parties, then there are a few niches that single men can quite easily fill. ( excuse the pun) Being a ‘Bull’ is one of those niches. When a couple is in a cuckold relationship, a bull will be invited into their home to have sex with the woman as the man watches. There are a million and one different variations on what can happen between a bull and a cuckold and having sex with the woman is just one idea. There are no set rules, but a general theme is that the single guy has sex or engages in sexual activity with the woman.
There have been times that Bisexual men have wanted to get involved and again, at a private party they may feel more comfortable about playing with couples. I have a good friend R who is a single guy, and it’s his fantasy to be dominated by a couple, not necessarily to have sex with them, but join in, in whatever capacity the couple allow him to.
If you are a single guy and you want to get involved in swinging, there’s no reason you can’t, but be prepared to jump through a few hoops! If you have a single female friend whos also a swinger, then attending parties as a couple is one option. Even if you play separately once inside. A word of warning though; your still a single man, and many people may not take kindly to being approached in this manner. Chances are your female companion will get far more attention.
Single Swingers- Single Women
Enter… The Unicorn! Why a unicorn I hear you ask? Why, because genuine single female swingers are rare! Like unicorns! There are plenty of single women out there, some who have had threesomes, sex with women and group sex. But what sets a unicorn apart from a regular woman is the fact that unicorns understand how swinging works
To be a successful female swinger, you have to possess a solid knowledge of what swinging is, and what you will get out of it. There’s no point going to a swinger party in the hope of finding Mr Right, so let’s unravel what makes a fantastic female swinger.
An open mind is a must! It’s not a requirement for women to be bisexual, but in my experience, the single girls I have met have all identified as Bi. It is a given that if you’re interested in the lifestyle, you are happy to play with couples. If you want to play with a couple, but are heterosexual, and are only willing to play with the man, make sure you establish that first.
There are definitely advantages to attending swingers clubs as a single girl, the main advantage being that most clubs charge a lot less for single girls to visit and some don’t charge at all! Also, the entry isn’t as strict for single girls, and most clubs actively encourage female members! Sometimes you will still need to be verified by the event organisers, but this is just a matter of protocol to check your ID.
Although this all sounds pretty peachy, there are a few negatives about swinging as a single woman. The first is that it can be hard to strike up conversations with couples, as many pairs who attend swinger clubs are only looking to meet other pairs, not singles. You may have to be patient and not expect the first couple you chat to welcome you with open arms.
Another negative is that unless your secure in who you are and you see swinging for what it is, then joining lots of stable couples might not be your thing. If you have recently become single and are on the rebound then attending a swingers party where there will be a lot of intimate couples may not be the best idea!
Pretty much all clubs accept single ladies, but there are female-led swinging events out there that are great for ladies looking to join in with other women and couples, have a search online and find some that are suitable.
My Top Tips For Successful Single Swinging.
- Don’t get too emotionally involved with the other swingers. It’s great to build up a rapport and a connection and having a vanilla date before any action is always a good idea. However, you should take a step back from becoming emotionally involved with either party.
- Be polite and respectful to both parties. Just because you’ve been invited into someone’s house to have sex with their wife, it doesn’t mean that gives you the right to be openly rude. Never overstep the mark, be respectful, always.
- Have an open mind. If attending an orgy as a single person, then chances are you will see all manner of sex acts between men and women, women and women and men and men! My advice is to embrace it all!
- Always play by the rules that have been established. If a couple says no passionate kissing, it means no passionate kissing! Don’t try and bend the rules when you think one of the parties isn’t looking!
- Have your own set of rules and boundaries to follow and communicate them well to whoever you are playing with.
- Never expect any romantic feelings to be generated when swinging! The best swingers have all the emotional attachment they need in one another, so they will never look elsewhere.
- Don’t be overzealous with your messaging of a swinger couple, it’s okay to stay in contact, and chat on a group, but continual messaging is not cool. In fact, for me, its a major turn off!
- If a couple is sussing you out, to find out what sort of thing you are looking for, state that ‘im very happy playing with couples and I am not looking for anything more than just great sex and good conversation. This sends a clear message. ‘ I’m open to playing, but I’m definitely not looking to date either one of you!’
- Swinger couples hate drama! Don’t be tempted to bring your baggage along to a party or meeting. Bitching about your exes or your relationship dramas is not an attractive prospect. I, for one, would not get involved with any single person who presented themselves in this way.
- I have met couples through swinger dating sites, such as SDC and on regular dating sites such as Bumble. You can also strike up conversations on social media, follow established swingers ( like me) and attend swinger clubs to meet other like-minded people.