Swinging for Men- The definitive guide for male swingers

Men have body confidence issues just the same as women.

It’s not just women who are affected by body confidence. We all want to look and feel amazing, but getting your kit off can be quite an intense experience. We are not used to seeing regular people naked and find ourselves exposed to so many images, day in day out of the perfect shaped male body: six-pack abs, lean muscular legs, tanned skin and great hair. Even if you do take care of yourself, insecurities will inevitably come into play. Do all men at swinger parties have big cocks and do all the women expect you to have a tight chest? 

So, what can men do to help boost their confidence at swinger parties? 

I have had the absolute pleasure of meeting so many different men over the years. All with cocks of various shapes and sizes! Some men have been older than me, some younger, some bald, some long-haired, some with muscly six-packs and some with perfectly lovely standard bodies! Some guys have not been my usual ‘type’, but I have enjoyed playing with them regardless of their physical appearance due to their confident manner and how they presented themselves. 

How To Be Confident At Swinger Parties 

It’s imperative to remember that no one should ever insist that you remove all your clothes! I know that it’s far easier for women to have sex with their bra still intact, but you don’t have to stip off butt naked to engage some sex acts. If you are feeling a bit self-conscious about baring all for an orgy, then why not suggest a private playroom with one other couple? Many clubs have these, and they are great for intimate couples play. In a private room, you can ease into the situation in your own time.  

Stick to the dress code

Before you attend a party or event, you should always check the dress code. Some clubs insist on shirts with a collar for men, or jackets.  

Sometimes the dress code will state ‘sexy’ for women and ‘smart, no trainers for men’ so as long as you stick to these rules, you can’t go wrong! Theme nights are sometimes popular in clubs and one theme night I did enjoy was ‘men and women in uniform’. (at ease soldier!) Now, I know that this can be a bit cheesy, but it was great fun and allowed the guys to dress up as well as the girls!

Some fetish clubs, for example, killing kittens or club pedestal will have different guidelines as to what they like men in attendance to wear. Check them out in advance so you can dress accordingly.   

Should Guys Wear Fetish Clothes? 

When it comes to ‘sexy’ outfits for men, these can range from cosplay, fetish wear, uniforms, underwear to BDSM style outfits. If you want to shake things up, then one of these could be what you go for. I have my preferences for what I like to see on a man, but we all are different! I’ve seen men attend parties wearing leather-look trousers, PVC boxers, combat trousers and one particular gentleman in a maids outfit. My favourite store is harmony in central London; they do a fantastic range of latex and PVC underwear for both men and women. 

Swimwear/ Hot Tub Attire

These leave little to the imagination!

Hot tubs, saunas and jacuzzis are popular features in some swinger clubs and most swinger holidays wouldn’t be complete without them. 

If you’re going to take a dip, then I suggest modest swimwear. I once dated a guy who had a great body but insisted on always wearing tiny little speedos whenever we were in the pool or on the beach. We met a great girl while on holiday and played with her when sailing a boat in Turkey. She and I both wore bikinis and sundresses, but he insisted on wearing these tiny ridiculous trunks! It was a major turn off!


I have noticed that men are as fussy as women when it comes to what underwear they choose, and guys also have their favourite styles and colours of boxers. I can’t tell you what you should wear, but I will tell you what I have seen and what affect it had on me, if any!  

  • Novelty boxers- a swingers party, is not the time and place to wear animal print or love heart design boxers! They look far too cheesy! 
  • I once saw a guy in a crocodile ‘posing pouch’. I mean, hats off to him, he was brave, but did it make me want to approach him? No! 
  • I also once saw a guy in a Borat style mankini- am I saying that correctly? It was bright green and looked awful! 
  • Baggy boxers- not the worse thing you could wear, but they are frumpy and unflattering. 
  • Briefs- this is just my taste. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with them, but they just remind me of getting changed in PE aged eight and seeing boys in their pants. 


Never underestimate the power of smart shoes!

For me, the shoes a man chooses to wear can be as important as his shirt and his pants! As a woman, I’m prone to noticing them and then drawing up my conclusions as to what they say about the wearer. Never underestimate the power of good quality, well-fitting shoes. I’m not telling you to go out and purchase the most beautiful Italian leather, handcrafted slip-on moccasins you can afford. But, you should put some thought into what shoes you wear. Most clubs don’t allow trainers so I would avoid them at all costs. Tan and brown shoes are always preferable for me, especially when teamed with a matching belt and dark blue jeans! Yummy! 

On the subject of footwear, don’t just grab the first pair of socks you have to hand. Although you’re not going to be turned away for wearing the incorrect style of hosiery, novelty, mismatched or socks with holes in just look rubbish! 

Lotions, Potions and Aftershave 

I know I’m going to sound a touch creepy when say this, but bear with me. Ok? How we smell is essential when meeting new people. And if you’re hoping to get fruity with these said people, then you want to smell appealing! 

Sex is a very sensory experience!

I can’t speak for all women, but I speak for most when I say I find the smell of soap on a man to be sexy! Yes, aftershave is excellent too, but when you’re getting intimate with a guy, and you smell fresh soap on him, it’s heavenly! Freshly laundered clothes are also very appealing, especially freshly laundered boxers. The smell of the fabric conditioner against his skin is quite a turn on! Weird right? 

A sweet-smelling moisturiser is also sexy. I remember meeting a couple at a club, and, as I was having sex with them, I found they both had the most amazingly soft coconut-scented skin! 

When it comes to aftershave, don’t go overboard! Less is more when it comes to perfumes in general so keep it to a minimum. 


What do you prefer?

I hadn’t heard the term ‘manscaping’ until relatively recently, and it made me laugh! I know that we are all free to groom ourselves as little or as much as we want, and there are no set rules into what a person should or shouldn’t remove body hair-wise. I’ve seen men that have removed it all, some that have left it au natural and others that have just given it a quick trim. For me, its a quite a turn off when a guy hasn’t taken care of his body hair to the point where I’m sometimes not willing to engage in oral sex with a guy whos got hairy balls! 


There are a few accessories that men can wear to a swingers party that both compliment their outfits and send a sexy signal to those around them. A watch is a classy and sophisticated way of highlighting your financial status (regardless of whether its an accurate representation or not) and trust me when I say women are drawn to guys who wear watches! Even if you are attending a party as a couple, I can guarantee, your women will of checked out a potential guy’s wrist! Now, this doesn’t mean she is looking for any possible financial security from him. It merely generates an air of sophistication and elegance; we are all drawn towards. 

Its all in the detail!

Cufflinks are another great little touch that speaks volumes as to how we are perceived. If i see a couple at a party, I will check them both out and when eyeing up the guy, glance at his wrists. Cufflinks and a watch demonstrate to me that this a guy who takes care to address small details in his appearance. I then begin to wonder what other details he’s excellent at focussing on. 

A well-fitting, woollen coat looks timeless and sexy! Don’t be the guy shivering outside in his shirt! A smart jacket is a must, especially at the end of the night if you then have to hail a taxi or wait for an uber! Most clubs I have been to have a cloakroom where you can simply retrieve your coat at the end of the night. After you have spent all night getting hot and bothered in the club, chances are when you do step outside; you will feel rather exposed. 

Here Are My Five TOP TIPS For Men Attending Swinger Parties; 

  • Try your whole outfit on first, well in advance. You want to feel comfortable and confident, don’t wait until the evening of the event then realise it doesn’t fit correctly. I had an ex who did this, and it used to drive me mad! 
  •  Although pale blue or white shirts look great, especially on tanned skin, it seems like all men have the same idea when at a club! I remember a while ago seeing a sea of white shirts and being attracted to the couple where the guy was wearing a slightly patterned shirt. I wouldn’t recommend wearing anything too wild. (bright green, red) but a subtle grey can look great. I’m a big fan of paisley print on guys also! 
  • Don’t wear anything that proves difficult to remove! Skinny jeans and leather-look trousers are going to prove a hindrance, not to mention looking a bit daft! (Ross in friends) 
  • There’s no right or wrong way to dress, as long as you follow the dress code, you’re under no obligation to strip off! 
  • Don’t cram your pockets full of stuff! Not only does this look unsightly, but also you don’t want to be rummaging around in your pockets looking for condoms! Be organised, tidy and well-stocked. If wearing a jacket, slip them into the inside pocket. If you are attending as part of a couple, then I’m pretty sure your woman will have a handbag with her. Leave your bulky items, such as your keys and wallet, in her bag. 
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