Things You Need To Know Before Swinging.
Things You Need To Know Before Swinging.Before we start to discuss the practicalities of swinging, there are a few things you need to consider prior to sizing up condoms, getting sexual with someone else’s husband or wife or signing up to for sex clubs. This post gives you an overview of what you seriously need to consider before your clothes come off. Not everyone is suited to the swinging lifestyle, and how you choose to play can be entirely different from how other people choose to play within the lifestyle. So, let’s get real, things you need to know before swinging…
Should I Try Swinging?
Just as monogamy isn’t suitable for everyone, being involved in the lifestyle isn’t everyone’s cup of tea either. Some people and thier partners are naturally more drawn towards it than others, whereas some would never dream of divulging in a bit of swapping, soft or otherwise. Just because you are interested, it doesn’t necessarily mean those around you will be too. Swinging isn’t a quick fix to solve your relationship problems, and if you already have insecurities and doubts within your relationship, swinging and being involved in the lifestyle might exacerbate them.
Find Articles On Swinging
I’m a nerd! A massive geek! I love learning, reading and writing. I enjoy studying and discovering more about what makes people (self-included) tick! I love to learn about dating and monogamous relationships, singles and friendships with benefits. I like to ask questions to sex experts and exchange the odd fun sexy story. I’m just a studious woman!
Though I do appreciate that not everyone is as eager to bury themselves in books as I am. However, taking the time to learn and educate yourself is all part of the process and something you should do before you start swinging. The fact that your reading this means you already get a thumbs up from me! If your not a massive fan of reading lengthy articles, (I do appreciate that they aren’t for everyone) then listening to podcasts and youtube channels could be the answer. I listen to all kinds of videos on youtube whilst I work out. Check out Openlove101 for some great videos and top advice! This couple offers some great advice on getting started swinging, discussing boundaries, limits, and communication with your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend.
How Can I Convince My Partner To Try Swinging?
Coercion and pressure are unacceptable in any relationship, swinger or otherwise. You should never try and coerce someone into participating in swinging, whether it’s your own partner, or someone else’s. Plus, I wouldn’t want to play with a group of swingers, some of whom were being coerced into it. A question I get asked rather frequently is ‘how do I convince my partner to try swinging?’ You cant, If a person wants to be involved, they will be, and if they dont, then there’s nothing you can do to convince them otherwise.
Having them go along with it and ‘taking one for the team’ is one of the worst things you could do. This kind of behaviour often leads to resentment between a couple. It is vital that all individuals give consent before sleeping with one another. Failing to be in agreement with whatever activity is happening has some pretty negative outcomes.
You can’t convince your partner to try swinging, but you can discuss with them, openly and honestly as to why you would like to start this journey with them and only them. Having the conversation is the next step, and it needs to come from a place of love and trust. Creating sex-positive dialogue and showing you support one another improves your relationship, regardless of whether you decide to go down the swinging path straight away or not.
What Are The Rules Of Swinging?
Anyone who knows anything about swinging won’t hesitate to tell you about the rules of swinging. Every blogger, vlogger, sex expert and kink writer, writes or talks about the importance of establishing your own rules before you start talking to other swingers. It doesn’t matter if your a single person whos curious, or a long term couple who want to dive in headfirst, establishing what you are and what you are not comfortable with a hugely important.
It’s ok if your not sure what rules to have. After all, how do you know what you will enjoy if you have never experienced it before? Start from the basics, safety first, and work your way up from there. So start thinking about safe sex practices, having sex in front of others or enjoying soft swap play. For more inspiration, check out my post on different swingers.
Having Fears About Swinging
It’s perfectly natural to have fears and insecurities surrounding your relationships and intimacies. We all have uncertainties, doubts and worries that niggle away at us. Sometimes wondering ‘what if’ over and over again is a hard habit to break. Over analysing can lead us to talk ourselves out of enjoying what we were previously excited about. I have been there, agonising over self-doubt and riddled with insecurity. It’s horrible and debilitating, and it can prevent us from living our dreams and fantasies.
Dont worry, acknowledging your fears doesn’t mean that swinging isn’t for you, or that something is wrong, it simply means that you are honest. Opening up and being honest with your partner, yourself, or people you want to play with is vital if you’re going to have an excellent swinging experience. Dont let negative thoughts consume you and impact on your adventures. Acknowledge them, address them, and find a solution. Check out swinging and jealousy for top tips on dealing with negative emotions.
Consider Voyeurism/ Exhibitionism Before Swinging
Observing the action is an excellent idea if it’s your first time in a swingers club. Watching, or being watched will happen at some point during swinging, so why not start slowly and watch other couples.
You can ease yourselves in gradually, chat to other swingers and relax. No ones going to insist you remove all your clothes and join in, you can take things steady at your own pace.
You may find that you want to have sex with one another, in front of others before you join in the action. I find this a massive turn on, and there have been many times I have attended a sex club to do just this.
Life After Swinging
Im not talking about retirement here; instead, I’m talking about reconnecting after swinging. It doesn’t matter what particular intimacy you have enjoyed; full swap at a party, cybersex with a couple, soft swap private play or perhaps you have met another swinger couple for a date? Reconnecting after swinging is vital to maintain a healthy bond with your partner or your to check in with own state of mind if you are single.
Be conscious that scheduling time after swinging to reconnect is all part of the experience and just because the club doors close at 3 am, that doesn’t mean you suddenly stop enjoying being a swinger. The bonding process is crucial to having a healthy relationship and being able to reflect on the experience will enable you to establish what you did, and didn’t enjoy and help you form your own swinging rules.
Top 10 Pros And Cons Of Swinging
The good, the bad and the downright ugly, swinging come’s with its fair share of positives, negatives and things that can be a bit gross!
Here are my top 10 pros and cons that you need to know before swinging:
- Swinging allows for sexuality to be expressed. If you identify as Bisexual, then go forth and enjoy being Bisexual. If you are submissive and want to worship dominant women and men, then seek some out! Swingers are a very non-judgemental bunch, search online for couples and clubs that suit your kinks and enjoy them!
- Swinging, having an open relationship, or practising polygamy can strengthen bonds as it promotes honest and respectful conversations about sex and intimacy.
- This next one sounds like a contradiction, but I can assure you, it’s not; Swinging leads the ways for deeper emotional exclusivity and privacy within a relationship. You may be thinking, ‘ How, when opening up your relationship can it become more private?’. There are some intimate acts that swinger couples only share with one another. For some its penetrative sex, for others its anal sex and for some its kinky play such as watersports or bondage.
- Opening up your relationship shakes up your sex life! It doesn’t matter how you ‘open it up’; as I’m sure you are now aware, there are many ways to swing, but no matter how you choose to do it, your sex life will be shaken up! You will find yourselves able to communicate, share experiences and explore a variety of desires. This type of conversation where you are able to engage with one another intimately will soon become normal. Which of course, in my book, is never a bad thing…maybe I’m just an enthusiast!
- You can’t deny it when you receive a compliment; your self-esteem gets a little boost! It doesn’t matter how many times S tells me im gorgeous; I still feel amazing when someone else tells me they fancy me. And vice versa, I could tell S all day how much I desire him, he still loves to hear it from other people. When you start swinging, you will receive compliments, and it will make you feel amazing! And, being with someone desirable is a turn on!
- Any sex comes with risks involves. From physical dangers to STDS to emotional upset, when it comes down to intimacy, it can be fraught with hazards. You want to ensure the sex you do have is as safe and drama-free as possible. It is possible to practice safe sex whilst swinging if you discuss it before you start. If your a very cautious partner, as some people are, there’s nothing wrong with that; engaging in soft play might be a better option for you.
- It’s very offputting when other swingers flake on you. Sometimes you will meet a couple or single person on the internet, chat online, chat on a what’s app group, and then arrange to meet. The day of the date comes, and they flake on you. Your left wondering what you did wrong and why did they do this? Note, you did nothing wrong. There have been occasions that I have been flaked on. It’s frustrating, and it hurts, but you have to understand that for many people the thrill of talking about swinging is all they want. It’s just annoying when they dont disclose this to other swingers who wish to meet. The only thing you can do is accept it and move on.
- When done properly swinging can be time-consuming. For me, its not an activity I enjoy on a whim. I like to plan, organise and pencil time into my schedule for this particular hobby. If you dont have the time to invest into swinging immediately, then you need to find when you can make time. Some couples have children, and arranging childcare can be difficult, especially overnight. Others may have hectic work schedules, and trying to fit swinging in around a 50 hour week may well be exhausting.
- Do you worry about being found out or exposed as a swinger? I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t had a few close calls in the past myself! Although I am an honest person, would I want everyone knowing what I get up to? Nope! Being discreet is something many swingers worry with, and I understand entirely why some couples use profile usernames and don’t send headshots of themselves. Wanting to remain under the radar about what you enjoy is perfectly reasonable.
- Swinging can be expensive! You may be surprised to learn that some clubs and parties can charge over £100 for an entry ticket. Plus, once you factor in transport, ( probably a cab) accommodation, drinks and any extras ( new outfit) you can easily spend £200 before you have even paid for your entry! It might not be breaking the bank to attend a club for the night, but you have to consider these costs. Check out my post on are swinger clubs expensive? For a detailed break down of associated costs so you can be prepared before you start!