What Is Swinging? 

What Is Swinging?It is a question that I get asked a lot; so here is a quick guide to what is swinging;

  • Swinging is a form of polyamory. 
  • In a swinger relationship, both parties can have sex or be intimate with others. 
  • Swingers are usually emotionally exclusive within their established relationship. (Swingers tend not to form deep emotional connections with others) 
  • Swinging is usually referred to as ‘the lifestyle.’ 
  • Single people can also be swingers too.
  • Swingers establish rules and boundaries that they follow when having sex. 
  • Swingers are able to experience sex with others without fear of jeopardising their existing relationship. 
  • Swinging doesn’t always take place in a club or party. It can be in private, in your bedroom!

When swinging, individuals make their own rules and set their own boundaries as sex is different for all involved. Even though a couple will have shared rules they follow when playing, the rules themselves are as personal and unique to the individual setting them.  

Swinging is a form of polyamory where sexual inhibitions are extended past the committed relationship of two people. Swingers are couples who choose to have an open relationship, thus, allowing their partners to have sex with other people without fear of jeopardising their existing relationship. This sexual freedom extends into having intimacies and sex with other consenting swinger couples.

Swapping with your wife, husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend comes with many benefits. When swinging, you are focusing on sexual activity, as opposed to the emotional connection. You get all the benefits of your existing relationship while being able to actively swap partners. I believe swinging can create a relationship where both parties enjoy communication, trust and the ability to discuss sexual limits. 

It is a form of a non-monogamous, open relationship and often referred to as ‘the lifestyle.’ 

Ethical non-monogamy is a phrase I heard recently being used to describe swinging. This sums up being involved in the lifestyle perfectly! Swingers are sexually active with other people, whilst still retaining all the emotional attachment and deep bonds with their chosen partner. Sexual intimacy can be in the same room or different rooms, but always with one another’s consent. If you choose to be part of the lifestyle, then chances are the connection between you and your partner improves and deepens over time. Through opening your relationship up, you become closer! 

What To Know About Swinging

First of all, it is essential to remember that there is no right or wrong way to swing. Everyone is different, and everyone who decides to get involved in swinging does so for various reasons. 

Some people are naturally curious about alternative relationships and want to explore their bisexual desires. (Me) Some individuals have high sex drives and are very sexual people who love to be surrounded by other like-minded individuals. They may find exchanging ideas about sex and sharing these experiences with other swingers very exciting indeed! (Also me) Some couples love to watch their spouse another having sex with others.

Also, there is a huge social side to swinging, that involves having conversations and forming friendships with other married couples, or singles within the swinging community. Sometimes it can be great to explore and discuss different experiences and in turn, provide an insight into why you chose the lifestyle in the first place.

These reasons are all different, but all share a common belief. Emotional exclusivity is shared only between the couple. It doesn’t matter who they play with and what they do; the extramarital fun can never be a replacement for the emotional attachment they feel for one another. You may be involved in an orgy, or in an upside-down position with another woman experiencing a very passionate oral session. Regardless of what is happening, it should never impact on your intimate, emotional life together.

Sometimes jealous, uncomfortable feelings can occur. And it does happen, where you don’t anticipate how you’re going to feel until a scenario is happening in front of you. The best way to deal with these feelings is to reconnect with your partner, or take some time out if you are a single person, and explore why you felt these emotions. Try and understand what made you feel this way and seek to find a solution and agreement. You can’t always prepare for jealousy and feeling insecure, but if you communicate, and have a conversation about how you are feeling, you will soon reach an agreement and compromise. I can’t stress to you the importance of talking about your emotions and never leave reconnecting after swinging too late.


Swinging doesn’t have to be a full-on physical swap either. You can have soft swap, where you may enjoy foreplay, without taking your clothes off. And full swap, where you may have penetrative sex., completely naked!  

You may be surprised to learn that there are many different ways to swing. Swingers may change their comfort levels over time to accommodate their play partners. 

There have been times I have met great swingers and been on the same wavelength. Still, they have only been comfortable with a soft swap scenario, so I have toned down my playstyle to accommodate their preferences. 

Separate room, soft swap and same room are all distinct terminologies associated with swinging. There are many various types of swinger sex, kinks and fetishes that people in the lifestyle enjoy. Check them out in my post on different types of swingers

Being a swinger isn’t reserved to couples either. Single men and women can both enjoy the lifestyle and do! Some clubs are couples only, but some parties cater to single men and women who wish to swing with couples. You can be a single swinger and get in a relationship and continue swinging. 

If you decide to embark on the swinging lifestyle, it doesn’t matter if you are in a relationship or not. You can still enjoy it! Check out my post on swinging as a single person for my top tips and advice! 

What Are The Rules Of Swinging? 

When it comes to rules of swinging, the guidelines and boundaries that people follow are all different and can change over time. Deciding what you’re comfortable with is unique and personal to you. We all have various ideas about what makes sex great, and there isn’t a one size fits all answer. 

However, what I can say is this; safe sex must be a priority! Always practice safe sex when having sex with others. Using protection must become part of your swinging routine and get in the habit of taking condoms along to any swinger clubs and parties you attend. 

Another rule that should be adhered to is that you should only ever move at the pace of the least experienced and comfortable person. It doesn’t matter if its soft swap play or full swap different room, never go further than the least comfortable person is happy with. As I said earlier, you have to be accomodating when swinging and respect other people’s boundaries. 

If you meet couples who’s rules and boundaries differ significantly to yours, then it may be best if you don’t choose to swing with them. There are plenty of people out there who you will click with, don’t worry! 

How Common Is Swinging? 

More popular than you might imagine! 

Due to a rise in safe sex practices and birth control, we have been having sex for the hell of it (as opposed to making babies) for decades now. This, coupled with the surge in online dating, swinger websites and swinger dating apps means more and more people are enjoying the lifestyle. We are now exploring and normalising non- monogamy. 

Bisexuality, Transgender, Gay, Lesbian and Pan Sexual are all words we are familiar with, and being ‘open’ about how you identify, or who you identify as, is becoming part of normal society. The world is slowly becoming a more inclusive place.

With this inclusivity, swingers are no longer being stereotyped as cigar-smoking moustachioed men dropping their car keys into a bowl and pairing off with another man’s wife. 

We now get female-led swinging clubs, Bisexual nights in clubs and Trans nights. Swinging is open and inclusive to all! 

Swinging Relationship Definition

I wouldn’t say I like to pigeonhole people into what I define as swingers or those best suited to the lifestyle. You dont have to be a heterosexual, middle class, middle-aged couple to enjoy swinging! So, the best way I can define a swinging relationship is where two emotionally exclusive people decide to explore sexual intimacy with others consensually. This intimacy is shared with other people who also enjoy ethical non-monogamy. 

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