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Be confident in what ever you choose to wear!

What to wear for swinging

Deciding what to wear for a swingers party, and understanding what that outfit portrays is vital in communicating to other swingers what your interests are, and sometimes, your levels of experience. 

But, if your not sure about the correct attire you should be wearing for swinging, don’t worry! Here is my foolproof guide, explaining everything you need to know about what to wear for swinging.

  • Classic little black dress, or a variant of
  • Heels! 
  • Sexy, but comfortable underwear- don’t wear a G string if you dislike them! 
  • Minimal jewellery
  • Stockings, suspenders or hold-ups. 

First of all, it is imperative to remember that how we represent ourselves can be a deciding factor in how others relate to us. How we look physically, are dressed and how we present ourselves, are all good indicators into how we like to be perceived and sometimes give clues into what our levels of comfort are. In the workplace, we dress conservatively, in dark colours, formal suits and with minimal makeup or accessories.

For a date night to the cinema, we may wear skinny jeans, a tight t-shirt and wear our hair down. We understand that different outfits are expected for various social events; birthday lunches, christenings, weddings. But no one can tell you how to prepare for a swingers party? What is the correct attire? 

Do you have to stick to the dress code? What’s not acceptable? And what is?

Do you turn up in your outfit or get changed later? 

What To Wear For Swinging? 

The way we present ourselves sends a non-verbal message to those around us. If you choose to dress conservatively, then chances are you may be a little conservative in your character. Likewise, if you enter a club in nipple tassels and a thong (I have seen this), then this choice of ‘outfit’ leaves little to the imagination. It is not always true that less is more, and in this case, all the sexual intrigue had dissipated. Sure this lady got attention, but it was very short-lived. 

sexy, classy and seductive!

If you present yourselves as smartly dressed, but also sexual, (think LBD with a slit in the side) you will strike the right balance between confident and sexy without being too formal. A tight dress and classy heels or a backless dress are great ways to show off your body without baring all the first instance. Your outfits must complement one another. The best couples are always equally matched. Remember, you need to be presenting a united front at all times. If one of you is turned out immaculately and the other looks rather scruffy, what does that say to those around you? 

I remember attending a party years ago where a couple were so mismatched in age and attire that I wondered if the girl was an escort! They quite obviously hadn’t got dressed together, because no woman would let her man leave the house like that! Although the guy had on smart attire, the outfit didn’t work! On the dance floor the girl came up close to me, inviting me in to kiss her, I declined, even though she was very sexy. 

What To Wear For First-Time Swingers? 

For your first event, wearing something you are comfortable in is vital. When I attended my first swinging event, I spent so long fiddling with the outfit (stockings, suspenders, the works) that all I wanted to do was take them off, only I didn’t have the confidence to do that! So instead I had to just put up with the stockings trying to come loose from the suspender belt. 

If your not comfortable in a corset and suspenders, don’t wear them

If your guy isn’t going to feel relaxed in a tie, then don’t insist he wears one. Wear an outfit that you are comfortable in. Chances are if it’s your first event, you may not be willing to bare all and go marching into an orgy with your naked ass out. By dressing sexily but still conservatively, that says ‘we are new to swinging, let us take our time’.

If you attend your first party in nipple tassels and wear them from the get-go, then chances are, people will assume your experienced swingers. There are no expectations as what you should wear, as long as you stick to the dress code. No one is going to enforce that you take your clothes off, or wear a specific type of lingerie. If you want to remove some clothing, that’s entirely up to you. Should you wish to get changed as the night goes on, again, that’s up to you. My dress list for first-time swingers would compromise of this: 

  • Classic little black dress, or a variant of
  • Heels! 
  • Sexy, but comfortable underwear- don’t wear a G string if you dislike them! 
  • Minimal jewellery
  • Stockings, suspenders or hold-ups. 

Being Confident At Swinger Parties 

Sometimes I keep my bra on!

Another area I’d like to discuss is body confidence, and when we are talking about what outfits to wear for a swinger party, it would be ludicrous to have a one size fits all approach. We would all like to feel slinky and sexy in that little black number and look great in our lacy lingerie, but in reality, we all have so many hang-ups about our body that the thought of baring all or even putting on the dress in the first place is scary in itself! Especially if you are new to the lifestyle. So what can we do to help boost our confidence at swinger parties? 

I have had the absolute pleasure of meeting so many different men and women over the years. All of various shapes and sizes, ages and races and you know what I remember most about them? How confident they were, regardless of their body type. Sexiest people are always the most confident. 

It’s imperative to remember that no one should ever insist that you remove all your clothes! You should only ever do what you’re comfortable doing! If you don’t like how your boobs look (like I don’t), then leave your bra intact. Conscious about your tummy? Wear a corset; corsets are sexy as hell! I, for one, can’t resist a girl in a corset. If you don’t like your legs, a long backless dress is equally as sexy a Little Black Dress! You should never feel obliged to strip off or wear something you feel uncomfortable in. Use sexy attire to your advantage and dress by how it makes you feel. 

Stick To The Dress Code

Sexy and playful! I love this dress!

Before you attend a party or swingers event, you should always check the dress code. Some clubs insist on shirts with a collar for men, or jackets and a tie. Some I have attended have been themed nights, like those hosted by le boudoir club. I remember an all-white theme night (I was tempted just to strip off as I have pale skin!) and I’m sure I’ve been to a schoolgirl themed event over the years. 

Sometimes the dress code will state ‘sexy’ for women and ‘smart-no trainers for men’ so as long as you stick to these rules, you can’t go wrong! If you’re attending a masquerade swingers event then, of course, Venetian masks and the full fancy dress attire will be appropriate. If its an event hosted by a particular fetish club, for example killing kittens or club pedestal, then they will have their unique guidelines for what they like men in attendance to be wearing. Check them out in advance so you can dress accordingly. 

What Type Of Outfits Should You Wear 

When it comes to ‘sexy’ outfits, these can range from cosplay, fetish wear, lingerie, corsets, babydolls, body stockings to BDSM style outfits. If you want to shake things up a bit and feel comfortable removing your dress, then one of these could be what you go for. I have my preferences, but we all are different. I’ve seen women attend parties in maids outfits, PVC, body stockings and tutus. It is entirely up to you. My favourite store is harmony in central London. They do a fantastic range of BDSM style buckle up corsets as well as sexy stocking and suspender sets. I tend not to buy online as I like to check the size and quality of the product before I purchase. One of the great things about going into the store is that you can try outfits on.

Swimwear/ Hot Tub Attire For Swingers

Hot tubs, saunas and jacuzzis are popular features in some swinger clubs and most swinger holidays wouldn’t be complete without them. 

Of course, bikinis and swimwear are the go-to items as well as flip flops and maybe a sarong for when you have finished playing? Don’t wear a skimpy little cheese wire thong if you feel uncomfortable in it, wear what you feel most at ease in. I find those cutout style swimming costumes incredibly sexy, as well as vintage style halter neck bikini tops. 


I have to talk about lingerie! No post on what to wear for swinging would be complete without it! Last year I purchased a great bra and panties set from victorias secrets, and although I had no intention of wearing it to a swingers club per se, the way it fits is fantastic! I don’t like how my tits look, but with this bra, I can wear any outfit over the top, or not, and they look great. Quality lingerie makes all the difference to your outfit. If you want to create that sexy hourglass figure, then wear something to enhance it. 

I love this set!

Wearing a matching set of knickers, bra, suspender belt, and stockings is a huge confidence boost. You will be feeling as sexy as hell! And, if you do show your lingerie off, I am yet to find a man or woman who disagrees with me that this classic sexy look doesn’t turn them on!  

I always keep my ‘special’ lingerie separate from my regular underwear, the feeling of only wearing it when I know all eyes will be on me is such a thrill in itself. If your not a fan of lace, or find it a bit cliche, then satin knickers are also sexy. Sometimes a woman dressed in full satin knickers, with a slightly vintage feel to the outfit is an incredibly sexy sight! 


When it comes to footwear chances are you’re going to go for heels, ( I’m yet to see a woman attending a party in flats) a great pair of sexy, high heels can complete an outfit, and again, I have a few pairs that I reserve only for these purposes. One pair is black, Kurt Geiger heels, bought as an early birthday present one year. I love them! The others are a mix of stripper style clear stilettos, (trashy and a bit slutty) and thigh-high, zip-up, PVC ‘mistress’ style boots. These boots are probably my favourite of all! Now, you don’t have to go to these extremes when choosing the right footwear, but whatever you do decide, you have to be able to walk in them and negotiate steps.

Without sounding too crude, if I know its the sort of private meet where I’ll be laying down/ on my knees, then I will happily wear the stripper style shoes and get into the role! Whereas if I’m attending an event at say, club pedestal, then I’d wear my thigh-high boots. When I visit regular (none specific themed) swinging clubs, I always choose my Kurt Geiger heels, I can wear them all night and negotiate steps! 

My absolute favorites!

Do be aware that some clubs have areas where they expect you to take your shoes off. This is to minimise damage to the beds/ orgy areas and to stop some poor guy accidentally getting a 6-inch heel to the dick! Ensure that you can easily undo your shoes, fiddling with buckles is a massive passion killer! 


I love accessories that compliment my outfit! In my regular vanilla life, I’m a big fan of my Ted Baker watch and matching my handbag to my shoes. I like bracelets, bangles and hoop earrings. But when attending swinger parties, I always play it safe. The first few times I visited a party, I wore a matching necklace and bracelet set. I lost count of the number of times they got tangled up in another woman’s jewellery, and we would spend a good few minutes, after we had finished playing, fumbling with the clasps. Nowadays, I keep it simple. Small stud earrings (I have rather a lot of piercings) with a simple bracelet and necklace, or sometimes a choker! As long as it doesn’t dangle too much, it should be fine! 

I always wear a smart coat over my dress, as slipping it on at the end of the night is a great way to restore some normality! Especially if you then have to hail a taxi or wait for your uber! Most events I have been to have a cloakroom where you can simply retrieve your coat at the end of the night. After you have spent all night getting hot and bothered in the club, chances are when you do step outside; you will feel rather exposed.


Club essentials!

The handbag I take to an event is always just big enough for my essentials; condoms, travel-sized lube, a few items of makeup, a hairbrush, some squishable flat shoes and my phone. I’m not a massive fan of tiny fiddly little bags- the last thing you want is to be messing around trying to find condoms in the semi-dark. Take a bag that’s classy without too many fastenings. But not one that’s overly big, you don’t want to look like your there for a day on the beach! 

5 Top Tips for Swinger Outfit Success

  • Try your whole outfit on first, with the underwear, well in advance. You want to feel comfortable and confident, don’t wait until the evening of the event then realise it doesn’t fit correctly. 
  • Sheer blouses are a great way to say ‘ I’m sexy’ without showing off too much too soon! Team a sheer top with a leather or PVC effect knee-length skirt and you will look seriously sexy and in control. 
  • Visit sex and lingerie stores; you don’t have to buy anything, just see what’s on offer, what you like and dislike. remember that the products featured on sites like Amazon can be a bit hit and miss! (we have all seen those cringy Facebook groups) so check them out for yourself! You may become inspired by new looks or fetish wear! 
  • There’s no right or wrong way to dress, as long as you follow the dress code, you’re under no obligation to strip off! 
  • Take a pair of flat squishable shoes and pop them into the bottom of your handbag. Slip them on at the end of the night! Your feet will thank you for it! 
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5 thoughts on “What to wear for swinging

  1. I think a lot of guys are scared of dressing in anything other than a smart ‘saturday night’ shirt. We are regular swingers (have been for more than 15 years now) and have learnt that men wearing sexy outfits–sourced from good sex clothes establishments–can be appreciated by the ladies and can help make the man feel sexier and more relaxed. We go to Cap D’Agde every year and tend to buy our outfits there, but there are lots of places to get them in London too (not Anne Summers, they tend to cater more to the curious, but seek and you will definitely find).

    1. Hi thanks for taking the time to read my article! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy! Yes, many men are scared to go against the grain! I think they just need a little gentle encouragement! Be bold fellas! xx thiskindagirl xx

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